Breathe Again
by Melissa7187
Summary: Chapter Seven: Chloe deals with her broken heart by avoiding all talk and mention of Beca. In theory, it's a nice plan. But when her heartache becomes too much, a spring break trip to Miami with her best friend results in a painful realization: It's going to be impossible to forget the love that they shared.
1. A Save Situation

**A/N: So this is the last part of the trilogy, but what's different about this one is that it can stand alone as a separate story. The first two parts covered a very small time frame and this one is going to jump around a bit and kind of change things up. If you haven't read the first two parts, I'd recommend it but it's not necessary. I'm kind of excited about this story and there isn't a lot of filler with this. I love every chapter that I have planned out and it should be a fulfilling ending. Enjoy!**

* * *

_Open your eyes and let me in  
I swore to God I'd never swear  
And we all fall down  
And we all fall down  
Again.  
__A Save Situation- The Format_

* * *

**Chapter One: A Save Situation**

Beca sat on the couch in the living room of their hotel suit and watched as Chloe stood in front of the mirror and wordlessly applied eye liner. She carefully rimmed her blue orbs with the black liquid and even though she knew that it would just end up running down her cheeks when she undoubtedly was reduced to a quivering mess by the end of the ceremony, it looked good and she wanted to look good today.

Her hair was pulled back into a neat bun and her simple black dress was paired with a suit jacket, aging the girl and making her look even more somber than she was. Beca still thought that she was beautiful though and if she wasn't so sad right now, she'd pull that jacket off and take her right there. She couldn't though and had to be content on watching her from her spot on the couch, trying not to catch her eye as she ogled her girlfriend and thought wildly inappropriate thoughts considering what day it was.

She was in her own black dress and was terribly uncomfortable as she tried to relax against the oversized couch. Dresses weren't her thing and the last time she had worn one was when the Bellas competed at Sectionals during her disastrous freshman year. In fact, as soon as she slid the dress on, she was catapulted back to that day and as the bad memories filled her mind, she was left with a sinking feeling in her stomach that had yet to dissipate. Maybe it was the memories or maybe it was the anxiety of attending a funeral; either way, she hated feeling this sick and she knew it wouldn't go away until they were back here later on in the evening, once Chloe's father was in the ground and the pain was a little less fierce.

As her thoughts drifted back to the funeral and the idea that Chloe's father would literally be buried somewhere in a casket that she had helped pick out, her stomach turned wildly and she lurched to her feet, slamming her hands against her mouth as she rushed to the bathroom. She didn't care that Aubrey was in there and doing her hair in just her bra and underwear. It didn't matter when Aubrey yelled at her and tried to push her out of the room unsuccessfully as Beca ducked under her arm. She didn't even care that she was in her expensive dress and getting it dirty as she kneeled in front of the floor. All she wanted was some relief and as she felt her body dry heave and Aubrey's cool hands on her back a moment later, she felt human for the first time in days.

Thankfully, she didn't puke and as her stomach settled a little, she took a few deep breaths and released her death grip on the porcelain seat. She slowly stood up and sunk onto the edge of the tub, holding her head in her hands as her cheeks burned with embarrassment and catching Aubrey occasionally sneak glances at her as she returned to her makeup.

After breathing heavily for a minute as her stomach churned and her throat burned, Chloe entered the room and handed Beca a glass of water and a small pill. When Beca furrowed her brow at the older girl, Chloe smiled and cracked "I'm not drugging you, if that's what you're thinking." She rubbed Beca's shoulder tenderly and stroked her pale face for a moment before explaining herself. "It's an antacid and it'll settle your stomach a little. I haven't been feeling so great either and my mom gave me them. Take it; we can't have you puking all over the church."

Beca made a face at Chloe, but reluctantly took the pill into her cupped hand and swallowed it with a large sip of the cool water. The liquid felt good going down her aching throat and as Chloe rubbed her forearm tenderly, Beca allowed herself to relax for the first time all day. Chloe watched her for a moment and then smiled sadly before leaving the room and returning to her makeup.

Aubrey was watching her through the mirror and as Chloe left the room and she pulled her dress onto her body, she smirked at Beca and joked "I thought that I'd end up being the one puking today, so it's actually kind of a pleasant surprise to see someone else doing it." Aubrey paused and smiled as Beca glared at her through the mirror, not seeing the humor in this whole situation. "Are you sure that you're okay? I don't want to go there and be embarrassed when you toss your cookies all over the church. I know you're not religious or anything, but I'm pretty sure that you'd go to Hell for something like that."

As Aubrey motioned for Beca to zip up the back of her dress, Beca rose to her feet and groaned as she crossed the small distance between them and pulled the small zipper to the top of the dress. Aubrey adjusted the simple black dress so if fit her perfectly and Beca exhaled heavily as she backed away from the girl.

"You know, even though you're being a bitch to me today, you **do **look really nice." Beca smiled as Aubrey looked shocked at her compliment. Beca cocked an eyebrow, knowing that her joy would be shortlived. "We should take a picture and send it to Jesse. You look beautiful and he can look at it when he's-"

"Enough! He's my boyfriend and your best friend and we're not talking about **that**." Aubrey snapped as Beca broke down into giggles. "No one is getting a picture of me either and if I see you even messing with your phone when I'm around you, I'll break all of your fingers. Got it?"

"Ah, the bipolar Aubrey Posen that we all know and love is back in action. One minute you're being nice to me and the next, you're acting like a raving lunatic." Beca replied while smirking at her threat.

Aubrey grinned at Beca and shoved her playfully as they both moved towards the door. Beca laughed softly as she started to loosen up and said "Come on; let's get out of here before we show up late to this whole thing. I don't know what would be worse, Chloe being late to her own father's funeral or me puking on the minister's feet."

As the girls walked out of the bathroom, Chloe smiled at them and laughed for the first time in days. It was nice to hear her laugh and the sweet sound broke up the tension in the room and put them all at ease, if only for a moment.

"Probably the first one." Chloe joked, winking at Beca and smiling when she blushed. "I don't see why we need to rush though, since it's not like he was ever on time for any of my stuff. It would actually be kind of fitting if I didn't show up at all."

The mood in the room instantly turned somber and Beca looked down at her feet as Chloe bit her lip and tried to think of something to say to break the tension. She couldn't find anything though and shuffled awkwardly back and forth on her achy feet.

"Chlo, you don't have to go if you can't handle it." Aubrey soothed, while rubbing her back. "No one would blame you if you stayed back here and just had some time to adjust to everything. You have a choice."

"No I don't, Aubrey!" Chloe spat out, while shooting a glare at Aubrey and feeling her anger finally explode. "My father is dead and I have to go to his funeral because that's what kids do for their parents. I'm going to go there and do the one thing that he could never do for me."

Beca touched Chloe's bare arm with her fingers and as she stroked it gently, she soothingly murmured "I think that Bree and I are just worried that you won't be able to get through it. You're angry and sad and this might not be the best place for you right now. Your grandparents are taking it hard and you could really hurt them if you went there angry. You know?"

"Yeah, I know." Chloe answered soberly after taking a moment to calm down. "It's not like I'm going to freak out or anything, though. It's pretty much the last place on Earth that I'd like to be right now, but I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't go to his funeral. I promise that I won't embarrass you two and that I won't freak out. Now come on, we need to leave now before we miss the party."

As Chloe grabbed her purse and strolled out of the room, Aubrey shot Beca a warning look and all Beca could do was nod in return. They both knew that she was upset and internalizing everything and that it was only a matter of time before she snapped. She didn't normally get snippy with Aubrey and that angry display moments ago had put them all on edge. Beca just hoped that she would be able to make it through the funeral without breaking down and that she could hold off until it was just them. Beca could take anything that Chloe threw at her and she didn't want her to get lost in herself during the most important event of her young life. Her father was dead and Beca just hoped that Chloe would have the clarity to be present in that moment and to understand the stark reality of the situation.

Her father was dead and he was **never** coming back and nothing was going to change. Being angry wouldn't take away her regret and it wasn't worth beating herself up over it when it couldn't be fixed. Just like the name that would be inscribed onto the tombstone, the past had been set in stone and now Chloe would have to live with that for the rest of her life and move on accordingly. Beca just prayed that she would actually be able to move forward and get through this unscathed.

As she grabbed her own purse and shut the door behind them, she couldn't help but worry that they weren't just burying Chloe's father today. Deep down, she knew that a part of Chloe would be buried along with him and she hoped with everything in her that it wouldn't be a part that she had fallen in love with.

* * *

Two hours later, Beca found herself sandwiched between Chloe and Aubrey in an uncomfortable wooden pew as she tried to look upset. It was difficult though because she was so bored and as the man that was speaking droned on and on about a golfing outing he had just enjoyed with his colleague in the casket in front of him, Beca bit back a yawn and doodled on the leaflet that had been thrust into her hands when she walked in. It wasn't that she didn't have an interest in the life and times of Anthony Beale; it was more that they were terribly boring and drawing a cartoon over the mini-biography on the page was far more interesting.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see that Chloe was just as bored as she was and was staring down at the hymnal in her lap, tracing her fingers over the music notes that decorated the page and mouthing the words of the song to herself. Beca smiled when Chloe caught her looking at her and shoved her a little as both girls tried to hide their laughter. The service had gone on and on and both girls just wanted it to be over so they could go back to the hotel and get back to their regular lives. There was nothing normal about this and they were both so uncomfortable in the large church surrounded by strangers that it was hard to focus on the minister's words or the songs that they had sung or on mourning. It was surreal and from the way Chloe worried her bottom lip, Beca knew that it was becoming too much for her.

As she slid her hand over Chloe's and threaded their fingers together, Aubrey leaned over her shoulder and glared at both of them before motioning up at the speaker. She couldn't understand why either of them were so distracted and couldn't act like an adult in this situation. They were supposed to be grieving, not drawing cartoons and smiling and flirting with each other. Aubrey had always been the most mature out of the three of them, but they were embarrassing her and she would feel no regret about smacking one of them so they got their shit together.

Beca rolled her eyes at Aubrey, but pulled her hand away from Chloe's and slid her paper into Chloe's hymnal, sliding it shut and pressing it down onto Chloe's lap as she looked back up at the man speaking. She was bored and her hand longed for Chloe's, but the look on Aubrey's face had pummeled her back into reality and she couldn't help herself as her eyes shifted from the man to the coffin. It was dark blue and had engraved doves on the handles and she had been the one that had spotted it at the funeral home. Chloe had been dazed as they walked through the shop and couldn't decide on one until Beca stopped in front of this one and felt Chloe squeeze her hand tightly. The girl was overcome with emotions and couldn't say a word, tears rolling down her face as Beca held her tightly and told the funeral director that this was the one. This would be the one that would be lowered to the ground that afternoon and as the man at the pulpit broke down into tears, Beca felt her heart skip a beat. This was **real** and it was really happening and with nothing to distract her, she began to feel the familiar ache return to her chest.

Next to her, Chloe watched as the man left the pulpit and was replaced by another stranger that she didn't recognize. As she had sat there and listened for the past half hour as different college friends and colleagues of her father spoke, she couldn't help but smirk. They all wore the same uniform of crisp black suits and bright colored ties and they all had the same stories. Her dad loved work and golfing and playing poker on the weekends. He was funny and had an infectious laugh and everyone that he worked with respected him. Blah, blah, blah.

As the newest speaker started, an accountant at the company who had known her father since they were kids, Chloe shook her head and looked back down at the book that she was pressing into her lap. As her eyes started to swim with tears, she wondered just what these men were thinking as they stood up there. Did they think that this was helping? That telling a story about a trip to Tahoe or a missed birdie shot would make his family feel better or for the pain to hurt a little less? Nothing could change what had happened and she had to stop herself from laughing at the irony of it all. Even in his death, her father had a way of alienating her. She knew no one here outside of her family and as her grandparents and uncles and cousins all sat glued to their pews and didn't say a word about him, Chloe felt that somehow this was how it was supposed to be. Her father was a lousy son and brother and father, but damn he was good at his job and that would be his legacy. What the hell was she doing here? She didn't belong here and as the man finished speaking and was replaced by the minister, a single tear spilled from her eye and splashed onto the hymnal in her lap.

The minister locked eyes with Chloe and smiled sadly before announcing "The Beale family would like to thank all of the gracious speakers who have helped honor Anthony's memory. Now, as we prepare to transfer Anthony's body to Pineview Cemetery for internment, his daughter Chloe would like to sing her father's favorite hymn. Please pay your final respects during this time. Chloe, come on up sweetheart."

Both Aubrey and Beca looked shocked as Chloe rose to her feet with the hymnal clutched tightly in her hands and Beca's eyes filled with tears as Chloe inched up to the pulpit. Neither of them had been informed of this and it all suddenly made sense. Why Chloe had snapped at Aubrey at the hotel, why she had been mouthing the words, and why she had been so distracted during the service. Chloe was limping heavily and Beca knew that it was only this noticeable when she was nervous or in pain. From the way that her lip quivered and her hands shook as she fumbled with the microphone at the pulpit, Beca knew that it was the former.

"I want to thank all of you for attending today. I don't know many of you, but I do know that my father would be proud to have so many friends here today to mourn with us." As her eyes became teary and she stared at Beca, who was holding back her own tears, Chloe bit her lip and spoke a little louder as her quavering voice evened out. "Growing up, I sang in the choir at my church and in the chorus at school and was a member of an a cappella group in college. My father always wanted to hear me sing, but we could never find the right time for it to happen. He was either travelling or in New York and no matter how much we both wanted it, time just wasn't on our side. I never thought that this would happen, but this is my last chance and this is for him. I love you, dad."

Chloe stared down at the casket and as the pianist started to play, everyone in the church visibly stiffened as Chloe's clear voice rang out like a bell. It was strong and beautiful and Beca had never heard anything as perfect as Chloe's voice as she solemnly sang _I'll Fly Away_. By the time Chloe got through the first verse, Beca was sobbing and Aubrey wrapped an arm around her back as they watched Chloe do something that neither of them would ever have the strength to do. Aubrey was wiping her own tears from her eyes as Chloe sang and she knew just how important this was to Chloe after five years of friendship. She was singing for her father and for the first time in her life, she had his full attention.

Her voice had never sounded better and as Chloe reached the middle of the song, she could hear her grandmother start to sob loudly and squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to break down as the ushers stepped forward to take her father away. It was all real now and she felt her voice start to quiver as the reality of everything hit her like a bullet in the chest. He was never coming back and she wasn't going to have a father anymore and everything would be different now.

Somehow she made it to the end of the song, with her voice cutting through the mourners like glass. Her body shook with suppressed sobs as the final note slipped through her lips and as she opened her eyes again, she broke down into full on tears as she watched the casket slip through the doorway and the mourners stand up to follow the hearse to the cemetery. As everyone walked to the doors, Aubrey and Beca walked against the tide and Aubrey was holding her within moments of her finishing the song. Her arms were warm and comforting and everything that Chloe needed as she broke down into her shoulder and cried so hard that her head throbbed.

Beca couldn't will her legs to move to her girlfriend and she felt overwhelmed with sorrow as she stood back a little and watched Aubrey comfort her. This was the one moment where Chloe needed her the most and once again, she was screwing it up. The tears flooded her eyes again as she watched the scene and as she caught Aubrey's eye, she couldn't stop them from streaming down her face. Somehow Aubrey knew what she was going through and guided Chloe over to her, practically pushing the broken girl into Beca's arms and standing back as Beca held her tightly and stroked her hair.

Beca may have been emotionally stunted and not good enough for Chloe, but Aubrey knew what her best friend needed and smiled wanly as Beca whispered soft words to Chloe that both comforted her and made her giggle quietly. This was usually her place, _she _was Chloe's person after all, but somehow it felt okay to step back a little and as Chloe calmed down and looked up at Aubrey with mascara coating her cheeks and an impossibly sad look painted on her face, Aubrey knew that Beca was _it_ now and that was okay.

Beca couldn't meet her gaze as she looked at the pair, but Aubrey understood and simply wiped Chloe's cheeks off with her thumbs as they all stood in the empty church in silence. Once Chloe was sufficiently cleaned up and calm, Aubrey managed a weak smile at them and said "Let's get going. I'm pretty sure that everyone is waiting on us and we need to get this over with."

* * *

Aubrey and Beca stood together in the cemetery while the minister spoke to the crowd and Chloe sat with her grandparents in front of the casket. Chloe was unusually still and hadn't cried since they left the church. She hadn't done much of anything else though and as she played with a loose string on the edge of her dress, Beca knew that she was holding it in. That wasn't good and Beca would rather have her upset and crying than this. She couldn't keep this up and eventually she would break and that wouldn't be good either.

Once the minister finished talking he smiled sadly at Chloe and her family and motioned to a group of three soldiers who were standing away from the mourners. One stepped forward and Aubrey held her breath as he folded up an American flag with extreme precision and placed it into Chloe's hands. Chloe thanked the soldier with a small smile and hugged the flag to her chest for a moment before handing it to her grandfather, who cradled it carefully in his arms and blinked back tears.

Chloe's father had served in the army for a few years after graduating from high school and while he hadn't become a career soldier, it had shaped him into the man he was before he went off to college. Aubrey discovered all of this during the first night that she had shared with Chloe in their dorm room, when they had stayed up all night chatting and finding stuff in common. Aubrey was a military brat and it was nice to finally relate to someone who knew how tough it could be to have a parent who was shaped into something cold and strict through the military.

As the three soldiers raised their rifles into the air and shot a bullet, Aubrey felt the noise of the shots ripple through her chest and suddenly it hurt to breathe. As a military kid, she had been to too many of these funerals to even count. She had friends at the base whose fathers had been killed over the years and had been an unwilling participant at these sad events. It had never hit this close to home though and as the bullets rung out and taps was played in the distance, Aubrey allowed herself to break down.

She knew that one day she would be sitting in Chloe's place, listening to the guns being shot in honor of her father and probably being just as broken as Chloe was too. One day she would have to say goodbye to her father and the thought of facing the same situation that Chloe was enduring ripped her heart apart. The thought was too much to bear as she knew that it was absolutely true and as the tears spilt from her eyes and the sob building in her chest choked her, Beca placed a warm hand on her back and rubbed it gently as she broke down into harder cries.

With Beca comforting her and Chloe biting her lip as she struggled to hold back her tears, Aubrey realized that she would have to change her life if she didn't want to be in this situation herself. Something would have to change and she knew that her father would never make the first move, so it would have to be her. One good thing would come from all of this and she wouldn't go through the pain that Chloe was facing. It hurt enough to witness it as a friend and she knew that she wasn't strong enough to go through it on her own. She would change things with her father and maybe, just maybe, that would make things a little less hard for Chloe.

* * *

There was one good thing about their insanely expensive hotel room and that was the fact that it overlooked the large pool in the back of the hotel. Beca found herself thankful for this small blessing as she stood with Aubrey on the small balcony of their room and watched Chloe drink away her sorrows as she sat alone by the pool. It was almost nine o'clock and they had an early flight to catch back to Atlanta in the morning, but Chloe didn't seem to care as she dipped her feet in the water and got the bottom of her dress wet as she sipped from the bottle of _Jack Daniels_ that she had swiped from the mini-bar in the room.

"We should stop her, but I don't want to get my head bitten off again. I thought she was going to slug you when you questioned her before and this day…" Aubrey sighed as Chloe took a long swig from the bottle and shook her head in annoyance. "I just want to go home."

Beca laughed bitterly as she took a drink from her bottle of water and murmured "Yeah, I second that. I used to love New York City, but after a trip like this and going through everything that we did... I never want to come back here again." Beca paused, catching Aubrey's gazing and smirking. "This place is officially ruined for me and I'm tired of the people and the noise and the traffic and just…I'm tired of being sad. So, did you really think she was going to hit me? I have far too pretty of a face for her to ever want to hurt me."

"Yeah, I did." Aubrey replied, snorting as Beca just shook her head. "She was really pissed after that dinner and she's just really stressed and I don't blame her for putting that on us. Her grandparents threw her to the wolves there and made her talk to all of those stupid business associates that she had never met before. It was really hard and this one guy, one of his college friends, actually told her that he had no idea that Anthony had a daughter. He said that he never brought her up and I thought she was going to start bawling when he said that. Who says that to someone at their father's funeral?"

"Someone from New York." Beca replied bitterly as she drained the rest of the water from her bottle. "I'm telling you, this place is cursed. So, what did you think of this whole thing? I thought it would be a lot less sad, but seeing her and how much it was hurting her hit me hard. What about you?"

Aubrey nodded as she watched Chloe finish off the bottle of _Jack_ and said "Yeah, it hit me pretty hard too. Especially at the cemetery when they did all of that military stuff. It kind of hit me that I would have to do that one day and I…I don't want to be like Chloe is when I have to bury my dad." She looked up at Beca and smiled sadly when Beca nodded knowingly. "I can't lose him without having a relationship with him and I realized today that I'm going to try to fix things with him. I know that I can't change all the stuff that has happened between us, but I want to at least try to have some kind of relationship with him now. I'm not saying that it'll be functional, but I at least have to try. You know?"

Beca simply nodded as she watched Chloe silently and Aubrey rubbed her shoulder gently as she broke the sad silence again. "Maybe you should give it a try too. I know things aren't that great between you and your dad either but you should take a chance on him. Let him back in and maybe it'll hurt a little less. It's worth a shot and by the way things have already changed between the two of you since you came to Barden, I don't think you're too far away from having a normal relationship with him. It's just a little work and you're lucky to have many more years to work on it with him."

Beca managed a slight grin as tears filled her eyes and Aubrey glanced back down at the pool and grimaced when Chloe reached into her bag for another bottle of alcohol. She shook her head and muttered "I should go and grab her before she passes out into the pool. I'll be right back."

* * *

Beca stepped back into the room as Aubrey left and felt an overwhelming desire to call her father. She had been thinking about it since Chloe lost her father two days ago and now seemed like the right time to actually go through with it. As she poured herself and Chloe a cup of coffee from the coffee pot, she dialed her father's number on her phone. When he answered a few moments later, Beca felt a pang of sadness go through her chest and she had to swallow the tears building in the back of her throat as she softly said "Dad, are you busy? I've been wanting to call you and talk, but these last few days have been really hard. How are you?"

Ben smiled at his daughter's voice and he sunk down on a barstool in his kitchen, sipping from his own cup of coffee as he listened to this unexpected caller. He had never expected Beca to call him and while he was overwhelmingly happy to have this happen, he was also nervous about what she had to tell him. He knew of the circumstances that had pulled her away from Georgia for spring break and he hoped that everything was okay with her in New York. Death wasn't easy and Beca hadn't seen a lot of it and he hoped that she was dealing with it okay.

"Um…I'm great." Ben responded, while running a hand through his thick hair, a habit that he had passed on to his daughter. "Sheila and I had a really nice dinner with a friend from work tonight in the city and now I'm just reading the paper and grading midterms. How are you guys doing? When was the funeral?"

Beca sniffled as the tears slid down her cheeks and answered "It was today. Chloe buried him today and she… she's just so sad and I don't know what to do to make her better. She's down at the pool drinking right now and she's been really quiet and sometimes she just snaps at me and Aubrey and it…it hurts so bad. I look at her and I don't even recognize who I'm seeing. We've been together for a year and I don't know who she is anymore."

Beca broke down into heavy sobs as she words spilt off of her lips and Ben tried to comfort her with soft encouragement, but she wasn't hearing them as she just cried harder. Ben finally decided to ditch comforting her and focused on just relating to her. He couldn't be a father right now when all she needed was a friend and a sympathetic ear to open her heart to.

"I'm so sorry, Beca." He soothed while pressing the phone closer to his ear. "I know what Chloe is going through right now and when your grandfather died, I thought that my heart would never stop aching. It hurt so much to bury him and realize that I'll never see him again. He was relatively young, like Chloe's dad, and that makes it so much harder because you expect to have years left with that person and suddenly they're gone." He paused, taking a sip from his cup and blinking back tears as he remembered his own father's death. "You can't push her away though, Bec. She needs you now more than ever and you just have to stick by her side and push her to open up to you and not get offended when she snaps at you. Don't be like me and skip out on her because you're going to regret that for the rest of your life."

Beca watched from the window as Aubrey pulled Chloe to her feet and held her as she discovered that she was crying and felt her own tears start up again. Her father's words were somewhat comforting, but she didn't know if she was strong enough to face this along with Chloe. Her mother had been a rock to her father when her grandfather died and had gotten him through it, but she was nowhere near as strong or compassionate as her mother was and she was scared.

"I think I can do that." Beca assured herself as she dried her tears with the back of her hands. "I love her and you're right, I would regret it if I left her. I can't leave her and I…you can't leave me either. I can't go through what Chloe is dealing with and I need you to promise me that you won't die. I'm not strong enough to face this on my own and I…I'm sorry for how I've treated you since coming to Barden. I want to fix things and I'm starting with this."

Ben felt tears of his own fill his eyes and he bit his lip before saying "I want to fix things too and I promise you that I'm not dying. Not now or anytime in the future. I want to see my little girl make it big out in Los Angeles and I plan to be around to see it. Beca…I've been a pretty bad father and I know that bringing you here and expecting you to just fit in and want a relationship with me was a pretty shitty move. It's a lot to ask of you, but can you forgive me for all of that? Can you forget all of these years and start over with me? It's okay if you can't, but maybe this is how we move on and become a family again."

Beca smiled on her end of the phone and let a calming breathe wash over her as she softly replied "I forgive you, dad. For the divorce and leaving us and for these past two years. I love you and I forgive you."

* * *

Beca was laying on her bed when Aubrey brought Chloe back up to the room a half hour later. From the weary look on Aubrey's face and the redness of her eyes, Beca knew that it had been a struggle down there and kicked herself for not going down and helping her. She didn't want to imagine what kind of insults a drunken Chloe could throw at Aubrey, but she figured that they had been unpleasant and shot her a sympathetic smile as Chloe stumbled over the threshold of the room and came crashing down next to Beca on the bed.

She was in a much better mood than before, but Beca knew that it was the alcohol in her system and tried to downplay the predatory smile on Chloe's face and the hands that were wandering over her torso. Somehow, through some miracle of God, Chloe quit touching her and instead threw herself into Beca's side and kissed her cheek as she leaned into her body. Beca wrapped an arm around Chloe's back and softly chortled "No more alcohol for you, Ms. Beale. You're going to pay for this tomorrow."

As the sound of the shower running hit her ears and Beca knew that Aubrey would be busy for a little while, she stroked Chloe's hair and let her hands move a little lower and rest on Chloe's hips. They hadn't been this close since the evening before Sectionals and it felt good to actually have contact with the girl. Chloe hummed contentedly and softly murmured "You're so snuggly, like a teddy bear or something. Can I lay here all night?"

"Of course." Beca answered with a small smile. "I'll hold you all night if that's what you want. I just want you to be happy and I want to be close to you. I love you."

Chloe closed her eyes and whispered "I love you too. Promise me that you'll never leave me. Promise me that you won't die."

"I won't. You're stuck with me forever." Beca replied before placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

As Beca tucked the blankets in around their bodies, she looked down and caught a glimpse of Chloe's dilated eyes. They were dull in the dim of the room and so unfamiliar that they scared Beca. Chloe shut them a moment later though and relaxed against Beca's body as sleep came quickly. As her snores filled the air and Beca listened to them as she stared up at the ceiling, she couldn't help as she worried that maybe she wouldn't be enough. That she wasn't strong enough to get Chloe through this and that maybe it would be for the best if she didn't even try.

She couldn't leave Chloe though and as she slipped into her own dreams, she prayed that she wouldn't lose her girl. That she wouldn't fall out of love as the grief took over Chloe's spirit and personality and that one day she would be able to look at Chloe and recognize the woman that she had fallen head over heels in love with. That their love would be spared as the change effected everything and that they would be okay. That wasn't too much to ask for, right?


	2. Basket Case

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, favs, and follows. This is Chapter 2 and as a warning, this is a HARD T rating for this chapter. Italics are flashbacks, except when they're not. It's pretty self explanatory...hopefully. Enjoy!**

* * *

_Won't somebody come on in and tug at my seams?_  
_Oh, send your armies in of robbers and thieves_  
_To steal the state I'm in, I don't want it anymore_

_Basket Case-Sara Bareilles_

* * *

**Chapter Two: Basket Case**

"_Chloe? Chloe? Are you listening to me? Chloe?!"_

Chloe could vaguely hear the voice talking in the distance as she ran her fingers over the glass screen of her iPad and put together the perfect mix on her iTunes queue. All of the songs reminded her of Beca and they would be the perfect thing to listen to later to get her through the long night. She hadn't seen the girl in over a month and she missed her terribly. The music wouldn't compensate for her body or her laugh or her conversation, but for now it would do.

She could hear the voice getting louder and dipping into her concentration, but for now she was trapped in a memory and her uncle could wait. This was far more important than a business discussion and as she added a Sara Bareilles track to the queue, she was catapulted back to that night that seemed like an eternity ago instead of a mere month.

* * *

_"Really? A Sara Bareilles song?" Chloe questioned with a smile. "I thought that you were entirely too bad-ass for her slow jams. It's kind of different from your usual choice of David Guetta or Skrillex."_

_"I'm not musically shallow, thank you very much." Beca retorted as she rolled her eyes and pressed play on her iTunes screen. "I can listen to stuff other than dance music and besides, I've heard you and Aubrey sing Gravity too many times to count. It's addicting! Plus, she was in an a cappella group and that's kinda cool."_

_"Totes. She wasn't in a national championship winning group, though. She doesn't have the street cred that the Barden Bellas have." Chloe teased as Beca nodded coolly in agreement._

_"Excuse me, Chloe?" Beca questioned sarcastically. "A __**two-time**__ national championship winning group. We made ICCAs our bitch. They're probably not even going to hold the competition next year. They can just mail us the trophy and save everyone else the trouble of showing up and getting embarrassed."_

_"You're rather cocky, aren't you?" Chloe chortled as she shoved Beca playfully. "It's good though, because you are ridiculously sexy when you're like this. I like my Beca Mitchell with some swag. Let's see how long that lasts once you check out your final grades. Did the website load yet?"_

_"Yeah, it just loaded. The Wi-Fi in your building sucks. Hopefully the service will be better in the townhouse. You have no idea of how psyched I am to move in. Only two more months and then we can call it home. Okay, you should go first. I'm going to go and grab a bottle of water."_

_Beca thrust the Mac into Chloe's hands and jumped off of the bed, running to the kitchen and grabbing two bottles of water before returning to Chloe's room. Chloe was propped up on the pillows and was smiling brightly as Beca settled next to her on the bed and looked at her expectantly. _

_Chloe grinned at Beca and boasted "Straight A's! Bree's gonna be so jealous! She got an A- in one of her theory classes and when she saw her grades today, I swear she almost started to cry. Your turn!"_

_Beca took the laptop onto her lap and replied "Well of course you would get perfect grades, you bitch!" Chloe shoved her again and Beca kissed her cheek before continuing. "You're beautiful and smart and perfect, too. I'll be lucky if I even got one A." _

_Beca took a drink from her bottle as her grades started to load on the screen and once they came up, she was so surprised that she sprayed water onto the laptop and the bed. As Chloe started to laugh and reached for a towel, Beca smiled at the screen and said "Holy shit, I got an A! Well, I got 3 B's and 2 C's, but I actually got an A! My dad is going to be so happy when he sees this. Maybe he'll buy me the new keyboard that I've been asking for."_

_"Nice. You're twenty years old and you still expect to be rewarded for an A." Chloe rolled as Beca just shrugged. "Just think what you would expect if you actually applied yourself a little and got a few more of them. Your dad would have to take a loan out just to cover your demands."_

_"Shut up!" Beca exclaimed while shoving Chloe backwards onto the bed and closing her laptop. "Not all of us have an inheritance or a...well, a job. God, now I sound lazy! Anyway, he dragged me to this school so he owes me the occasional present. You should be happy that we're at least talking civilly and trying to have a normal relationship."_

_Chloe just smiled at the girl and Beca felt her heart melt. She looked down at her boots and said "We should go out and spend some of your big bucks, moneybags. It's too late now, but tomorrow you should take me out to somewhere nice for dinner. Somewhere with filet mignon and appetizers and the fancy wine that tastes disgusting, but sounds so sexy when you order it. What's that one that we ordered last time? It was awful, but I almost jumped you at the table when you ordered it."_

_"It was a Sauvignon Blanc, which is just a fancy name for a white wine." Chloe replied while smiling and slyly winking at Beca. "It wasn't too bad either; you just have crappy taste in booze. That's from a year of being Amy's roommate. I swear, every time I came over to your dorm room she was drinking cheap wine coolers or lousy beer. I'm surprised that you made it through this year with your stomach lining intact."_

_"I'm a good drunk. So, are we going or not?" Beca asked while grinning up at her girlfriend._

_Chloe got a little quiet and stood from the bed, walking over to her nightstand and rearranging the items on it while she tried to avoid Beca's worried gaze. Beca refused to stop looking at her and after Chloe stepped away from the table and moved to her closet, Beca murmured "Chlo? Are you okay?"_

_Chloe sunk back onto the bed and stared down at her hands as she hesitantly explained her chance of emotion. "No, not really. I have something that I have to tell you and I know that it's going to make you mad, but I can't keep it in anymore. I'm…I have to go back to New York City to help settle my father's estate. My grandparents are going to help me sell his apartments and his cars and stuff like that, but they're making me stay for the summer. One of the stipulations of my trust fund is that I have to help out with the company and take over his position on the board of directors. They're not expecting me to quit school or do this as a full time thing, but they want me to take the summer and help out. I guess they want me to see where my money and my legacy come from."_

_Beca's mouth dropped open as she stood up from the bed and exclaimed "We had our whole summer planned! We were going to spend it together and go to the beach and to Florida to see your family. You were going to take me to Disney World and to Miami and now…you're just leaving and you couldn't be bothered to tell me. Don't go, refuse to go and do this." Chloe looked away and Beca knew that it was a lost cause. Her voice dropped to a whisper as she continued "You have no interest in running a business and they can't make you go. You just called me out on being childish but you're taking orders from them. You're 23; you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do."_

_Chloe shook her head as she stood too and said "If I want to keep going to school, then I have to go. That money is for my education and it's not like I have thousands of dollars just sitting around to pay for my tuition. I have to do this and I…I think that I have to do it alone."_

_"You don't want me to come with you?" Beca questioned with tears filling her eyes._

_"I didn't say that. I love you and I love having you around, but it's not fair of me to expect you to just drop everything and sit in an apartment in New York while I'm busy all day at the office. You should be enjoying your summer and doing stuff that you want to do. Jesse's going to be here the whole summer for that internship and you'll have him to hang out with and it'll be…you'll be okay." Chloe's cheeks were red and her voice quivered as she tried to calm Beca down. "You can even visit and spend a few weekends with me, if you want."_

_ "Don't tell me what I want. I just…I want you!" Beca exclaimed, looking down at her feet and heaving an angry sigh. "You're all that I want and now you're going to be gone. I… I have to go home for a little while and think about this. Good night, Chloe."_

* * *

Chloe had finished adding songs to her queue and was about to turn off her iPad when a notification popped up on her screen. She tapped it and smiled when her _Skype_ app popped up with a new message from Beca.

_BMitch93: Hey, r u still in your meeting? :(_

Chloe grinned and ignored her uncle, who was still trying to get her attention, as she typed her own message.

_ChloeBUBella: Yep, it's taking **forever**! I'll call u when we're done. Love u._

* * *

_Chloe had been in New York for exactly one week before she started to long for home. She hadn't gone this long without seeing Beca since the start of their relationship and it was killing her to be alone. Sure, they didn't see much of each other during their huge fight after Regionals, but it's different when you're angry with the other person. Now, she was hopelessly in love and she longed for Beca's presence in her life._

_The apartment was huge and lonely and while she liked having some time to herself as much as the next girl, this was getting ridiculous. She had been working at the company for a week and when she wasn't at the office, she was over at her grandparent's house going over papers or wandering around Central Park and Times Square so she didn't go stir-crazy. It was all becoming too much and she was fighting herself from calling Beca up and telling her to come to New York. She had to be the better person though and as much as it hurt, she knew that Beca was better off having a normal summer._

_As Chloe started to unbutton her crisp, button down shirt and shimmied out of her skirt, her laptop started to beep. She went over to it and grinned wildly when she saw that Beca was calling her over Skype. This had become their nightly routine and after a meeting from hell , this was the perfect cure for her bad mood. Chloe sat at her desk and answered the call, smiling as Beca's pretty face popped up on her screen. _

_"What happened to your face? Did you get some sun?" Chloe teased as Beca pressed a cold palm against her bright red face. _

_Beca nodded and answered "Yeah, Jesse and Aubrey took me to Savannah for the day. We walked around and went shopping and had a nice lunch. Someone forgot to wear sun block though, so now I look like a human tomato." Beca paused as Chloe's laughter filled her speakers and just let the beautiful sound wash over her. "I can't believe that she's leaving tomorrow. I'm going to have this whole apartment to myself and I've never wanted to admit this, but I'm going to miss having Aubrey Posen around. Can you convince her not to go to Indiana?"_

_"No, I can't." Chloe shook her head as she slid her shirt off of her shoulders. "She wants to fix things with her father and maybe a summer with Sergeant Asshole will make things better. God, I had such an awful day. I'm getting so tired of this business thing and I've only been here for a week. Imagine what I'm going to be like once August comes around. It's just so…boring!"_

_Beca grinned as Chloe slid her hair out of its neat bun and said "Nice bra. You look so good in black. Do you know what else you look good in? Nothing at all."_

_"We've only been apart for one week and you're already propositioning me for internet sex." Chloe laughed as she tossed her hair tie across her desk and shook her red waves out across her bare shoulders. "At least give me something to work with before I consider it. I'm in my underwear and you're fully clothed, so take it off!"_

_Beca laughed and pulled her t-shirt over her head and wiggled out of her jeans quickly before sitting back in front of her Mac and trying to keep a straight face at how awkward it felt. She shivered a little as her skin broke out in goose bumps and exclaimed "It's freezing in here! I think that the Ice Queen has the air conditioner set on 60. I'm going to turn into an icicle if I stay like this."_

_"Well, you'll at least be a super sexy icicle." Chloe winked as Beca wrapped her arms across her chest. "Now, what do you want to do with me? If I were there right now, what would we be doing? And, please, be explicit!"_

_Beca blushed and fumbled over her words as Chloe grinned sexily at her. As she was about to tell Chloe her best fantasy, the door to her room swung open and Aubrey strolled in. She was looking down at her cell phone as she walked into the room and said "Hey, I thought I heard Chloe's voice. Are you talking to her?"_

_When Beca didn't respond, Aubrey looked up from her phone and felt her mouth drop open when she saw Beca in her underwear and Chloe sliding her bra off on the laptop screen. She gagged a little and shouted "Oh my God! I'm leaving now."_

_Aubrey covered up her face with her hands and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her and breaking down into giggles as she walked into the living room. Beca scowled at the screen and was about to say something, when she heard Aubrey say "Jesse, don't go in there unless you want to see your best friend having sex. Over the internet!"_

_Beca could hear Jesse start to laugh and rolled her eyes at Chloe as the older girl allowed herself to laugh too. Beca reached down for her top and murmured "I love you and I miss you, but I have to go and kill Aubrey now. I'll call you later, okay?"_

_Chloe simply nodded at the girl and frowned as Beca smiled back at her and ended their conversation. She slid her laptop shut and closed her eyes as she imagined Beca racing to put her clothes back on and running out to the living room to tackle Aubrey. She could practically see Aubrey's red cheeks and hear Jesse teasing her and Beca's playful protests. _

_She felt a pang of sadness in her chest and as she slipped her nightclothes on and prepared for a night of watching bad TV movies, a single tear slid down her cheek. She was missing everything and it hurt more and more each day as her summer slipped by without her control._

* * *

Chloe finished sending her message to Beca and as she looked up from her table, she grimaced when she saw her uncle staring back at her. He shook his head slightly and she blushed before she tiredly asked "What?"

As she feigned a yawn, her uncle sighed and said "Nice. I was asking you for opinion on expanding our computer line into tablets. Since you've been enthralled with yours this whole meeting, perhaps you can give the board your opinion on this matter. You've been here for a month and I think that the rest of the board would love to hear your thoughts."

Chloe blushed and glared at him as she rose from her seat and tried to smile at the disinterested group of people sitting around the table. She didn't blame them for not caring about what she had to say and if she had her choice, she would never have anything to do with the company. She couldn't get out of it though and cleared her throat before she spoke "I can only speak for myself when I say that there's not a lot of room in the market for a new tablet. Apple has the majority of consumers and unless you're going to innovate, there's not much profit in this. You're just starting out and the technology will be expensive and you'll probably price yourself out of even being competitive. I think that instead of releasing a line to the public, you should specialize to a smaller market. Maybe make tables that are made for hospitals or construction sites. A technology that can make their jobs easier and be something that they can't live without. That's just my opinion though and it's not like I was a business major or anything."

Chloe managed a small smile in her uncle's direction and as she sat down, she was surprised to see that she had everyone's attention. She looked down at her hands and her uncle announced "That's a very solid point, Chloe. Specialization might be the key to a launch like this. Now, let's talk about what sectors we can target with a product like this. Chloe already brought up hospitals and construction sites, but where else? Schools?"

As the board started to brainstorm, Chloe got her uncle's attention and meekly asked "Can I be excused for a moment?" When he nodded, she shot out of her seat and ran to the bathroom, sinking to her knees in front of a toilet and groaning as she threw up. She was overwhelmed from talking in front of them and from actually doing a good job. She never wanted this and to find that she was actually kind of good at it scared her. She was becoming her father and had felt like this since she left Beca back in Georgia. It was getting worse with each passing day and as the bile escaped from her lips, she blinked back tears and desperately willed herself not to cry.

After a few moments of kneeling on the floor and composing herself, Chloe washed her hands and stepped out into the hallway. As she left the small bathroom, she was met by her uncle standing outside of the door. She blushed and shook her head as she wiped her mouth off with the back of her hand.

He frowned at her and softly said "Go home. You're sick and your head hasn't been in these meetings since you've arrived." He grinned at her and her face broke into a smile when she realized that he was serious. "Take the company jet and go home and see your girlfriend. I'll cover for you if my old man starts asking questions. Go before I change my mind and make you go back in there and talk some more. You impressed them and you have a knack for this stuff. Now, go home."

* * *

It was close to eleven o'clock at night when Chloe finally reached the apartment. She hadn't bothered to text Beca yet and as she knocked on the door, she prayed that Beca wasn't asleep yet. She stood there for a minute, biting her lip the whole time, until Beca finally heard her knocking and slid the door open.

Beca stood in the doorway and looked at Chloe's face, smiling in shock at the sight of her girlfriend just showing up here. She was definitely not expecting this and as she looked at her face, she also wasn't expecting to see the change in Chloe. Her face was pale and she had bags under her eyes and seemed to have aged in their short time apart. Her hair was longer and messy from the flight and her clothes seemed to hang on her body. She was holding herself up by the doorframe and Beca just shook her head as she wrapped her arms around the girl.

Chloe kissed Beca's neck as she hugged her and as her exhaustion dissipated a little and turned into adrenaline, she pushed Beca up against the wall in the foyer and kicked the door shut. Chloe was so tired that she practically hung on the smaller girl and Beca sighed as Chloe's weight made it harder to breathe. Something had changed in the time that they had been apart, but Beca couldn't quite put her finger on it.

They stood in the doorway for a few minutes, just enjoying having each other close, until Beca made the first move and murmured against Chloe's neck "I missed you so much. This is the best surprise ever. What do you want to do? We could watch some TV or talk or have sex or sleep."

"I just want to go to bed." Chloe yawned as she tugged Beca closer. "I want to feel you next to me and hear you breathing and I want your face to be the first thing I see when I wake up."

Beca smiled at Chloe and as she guided Chloe towards the bedroom, she wrapped a protective arm around her waist and whispered "Your wish is my command, Ms. Beale. Let's get you to bed."

* * *

When Chloe awoke the next morning, she stared down at Beca's sleeping body and felt overwhelming sadness. The same sadness that had been plaguing her for over two months now. It had started after her father died and as much as she had tried to hide it and put on a brave face, it was coming to a head. The last time she had felt this way was after her Aunt Claire died when she was a teenager and she walked around for weeks feeling like someone had kicked her in the chest. The pain had been overwhelming and didn't stop until she was sent to a psychiatrist and diagnosed with depression. She felt the same way now, but had prayed to whoever was listening to her to just let it go away. To let this trip back home restore her happiness and to let her feel something, strike that, **anything** again.

She had felt like her life had been painted over by some unknown deity in shades of gray and nothing made her feel anymore. She wasn't overly happy or angry or sad. She was just there and that was a scary place to be. She cried without control, sometimes when she was out in public or alone, and nothing seemed to make her happy anymore. Seeing Beca had been nice, but it didn't give her the high that she was looking for and as she stared down at her girlfriend, her heart ached as she tried to figure out how to get her life back. How to feel again and how to be present as the world skipped along.

She knew that she needed to talk to someone about this, but now wasn't the right time and all she wanted to do was close her eyes and go back to sleep. Her mind wouldn't shut off though and as she laid in the bed, she felt an overwhelming desire to just feel normal again. As she stared up at the ceiling, she let her hand snake down between her legs and to her center as tears filled her eyes. She knew that sex wasn't the answer to her problems, but she just needed to feel alive and maybe, just maybe, an orgasm would reassure her that she was okay and not completely shut off from the world.

It had worked in the past whenever she was sad and now…now she desperately needed it to give her something. It was different this time though, forced and impersonal, and as her fingers moved and her breaths became shallow, the pain didn't fade. Usually she had to fight with her hips to stay still as her precipice neared, but now she was fighting her eyes as her tears spilt over the edges and wound down her cheeks and slid into her ears and landed messily on the bed.

It _was_ building though and as her eyes squeezed shut and her legs spread wider, the guilt grew exponentially. For doing **this** and feeling this way and for touching herself with Beca asleep next to her. The person that loved her the most in the world; who would do anything to make her feel normal again. To bring her back to the wonderful world of Chloe Beale; a world of laughter and smiles and joy. Out of her nightmare and back into the real world. Her saving grace, all wrapped up in a tiny body that was resting as she put her own body through a marathon.

The bed was moving now, shaking ever so slightly, and Beca was shaken out of her dream by the motion. At first she thought that Chloe was just turning in her sleep, but as she cracked an eye open and peered at her girlfriend, her blood ran cold. The tears were pouring down her face and one hand was thrust between her legs as the other was holding onto the sheets for dear life. Beca sat up quickly, frightened at the scene in front of her, and she touched Chloe's shoulder gently as she softly mumbled "Chlo? What are you doing?"

When Chloe didn't respond, Beca pulled the catatonic girl into her arms and replaced Chloe's fingers with her own, knowing how desperate she was. When she finally reached her peak, Beca covered her torso in kisses and held her as she came down from the high and started to sob. Her whole body was shaking and she didn't say a word as Beca held her and pulled her pants back on and just rocked her as she cried.

She had no idea what had brought this on or why Chloe was crying, but she figured that it had something to do with how she looked last night. Like a frightened child as she stood in the doorway and held onto the wall. Looking for something to pull her back into the land of the living and out of her sadness. Beca had been there before, feeling the same way after her parent's divorce, and wanted so badly to help Chloe. She wasn't letting her though and all Beca could do was hold her and whisper into her ear as she fell apart and eventually fell back asleep.

When Beca woke up again, Chloe was gone and simply left a note apologizing for needing to leave so soon. Saying that she was so embarrassed for this morning and that she just…she needed to figure out who she was and what was happening in her head and heart before she could see her again.

* * *

That evening, Beca sat with Jesse at a small restaurant just off of campus and watched as he chowed down on his messy cheeseburger. He ordered the same thing each time they went to small diner and as ketchup smeared onto his cheek, she couldn't stop herself from smiling a little. He grinned back at her as he popped a fry into his mouth and questioned her. "Are you going to tell me what's going on with you? While I appreciate the free meal and everything, a little conversation would be nice. What's up?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." Beca brushed him off as she bit into the end of a chicken strip.

"No, you're not. You look like someone stole your favorite headphones and since I know for a fact that they're not missing, something else must be up with you. Is it a Chloe thing?" Jesse asked as he shook his head, already knowing the answer to his question.

"It's always a Chloe thing." Beca responded dryly after taking a sip from her milkshake. "I guess that's what happens when you're in love with someone. They become your whole world and I…I don't know what I'm doing. Do you know that she flew in last night?"

Jesse put his burger back onto his plate and said "No, I had no idea. Where's she at? Is she back at the apartment?"

"No, she left this morning. Something happened, something that I can't talk to you about, and she just left without saying goodbye." Beca hesitated, shaking her head and stopping herself before she disclosed too much to him. "I think that she might be depressed or something like that, but I can't reach out to her if she won't let me. She won't tell me what's bugging her and I just don't want to lose her."

Jesse took a drink from his glass of soda and offered "Maybe it's too hard for her to admit right now. Her dad died and people have a lot of emotions after something like that. Depression is one of them and I think that's one of those things that you have to accept for yourself before you can open up to someone. Maybe she's trying to convince herself that she's just sad or mourning and it's going to take her a while to see what's really wrong. You can't give up on her though. You can't push her into talking about it, but you can talk to her about other things and tell her that you love her and let her know that you're here and thinking about her."

Beca finished a chicken strip as her hunger turned into anxiety and softly said "How did you get to be so smart?"

"Unlike your C, I actually got an A in Psychology. It's easy, Bec. You love her and she loves you and for now, that's all you need." Jesse shrugged, as if this whole thing had a simple solution. "This situation is just for this summer and once it's over, you're going to live with each other and everything can go back to normal. You can keep a better eye on her and just be able to hold her when she needs you. This summer blows so much, though. I miss Aubrey and you miss your girlfriend and here we are, eating crappy food and bitching about our broken hearts. All of our friends are doing cool stuff and we're still here, partners in misery."

"Well, it could be worse. At least we have each other to be sad with. Are you done?" Beca asked as she finished off her milkshake.

Jesse swallowed his last bite of burger and said "Yep. So, do you want to come back to the Casa de Jesse and watch _Pretty in Pink_? You've never seen it before and I think that you'd really like it."

"As nice as that sounds, and you know how much I **love **Molly Ringwald, I think I'm going to go home and try to _Skype_ Chloe. Maybe we can fix this and if we can't, I just want to hear her voice."

They both stood up from their booth and Beca kissed his cheek as he wrapped an arm around her back and led her to the register. He tickled her side and softly teased "Molly Ringwald and Chloe Beale, huh? You have a thing for red heads. What's next, Carrot Top?"

As Beca elbowed him in the side and he broke down into laughter, it felt like old times. Before girl problems and death. Before the accident broke them apart and love brought them back together. To a simpler time and at that moment, everything felt okay again.

* * *

As Beca fumbled with the door to Chloe's bedroom, the only thing on her mind was getting out of these clothes and sleeping for the rest of her life. She was exhausted and emotional and all thoughts of calling Chloe were put on hold as she stumbled into the room.

She didn't expect to see Chloe sitting on the bed when she opened it and as the door slid shut, Beca gasped and murmured "Chlo…what are you doing here? I thought that you flew back to New York."

Chloe looked down at her feet and managed a small smile as she replied "I did. I didn't have a meeting or anything today and I just laid around the apartment and thought. I thought about my dad and about you and about this morning. I thought about everything and I'm so sorry that you had to see that. I don't know what I was thinking and I guess I just wanted to feel **something** again. I've been in a daze since he died and I don't know how to get out of it. I haven't been happy in months and I don't know how to get that back. I'm scared, Bec."

"I know, Chloe, and I'm scared too." Beca empathized as she pulled Chloe in for a tight hug. "I think that you need to talk to someone again and maybe having someone hear you out will let you sort things out too. It can't hurt and it's already worked before, so why not try it again?"

When Chloe simply nodded, Beca smiled and said "Don't apologize or feel embarrassed for this morning. I understand now and I'm just glad that I was with you for it. So, are you going to fly back to Atlanta every night? I love sharing a bed with you, but that's a ton of money to waste on gas just for me."

"Well, you're worth it." Chloe lilted while allowing herself to smile for the first time in days. "Besides, I came here to tell you something." Chloe's face turned somber and Beca stroked her arm as she softly admitted "I think that I might be depressed again and I know that I need help, but I also know that pushing you away isn't the answer. I love you and I miss you and I want you to come back with me. Come to New York and be miserable with me. Please?"

"Yeah, I'll come with you." Beca answered while smiling. "I just have to pack my stuff up."

"Don't bother; I've done it for you." Chloe retorted while pointing at two packed suitcases at the end of the bed. "I've been here for a while and I just threw a lot of it into a suitcase, so don't be surprised if they're wrinkled or messy. We can fix them when we get there. Right now, all I want is you and I want to take you on that plane and bring you with me. I love you Beca and I'm not at home without you with me, so I'm taking you to New York and I'm going home for a little while."

Beca pulled Chloe in for a tight hug and as tears filled her eyes, she stroked Chloe's back and whispered "You're my home too and I'll go anywhere with you. I love you, Chloe Beale, and you're going to be okay. I promise."

And for the first time in her life, Beca actually believed the words that slipped from her lips. That she **was** strong enough to deal with this and had the capacity for love and patience. That Chloe was all that she needed and somehow made her better. That they were enough for each other, for now. That everything would be all right.

* * *

**A/N: So that was chapter 2 and I really like where it puts the story. Chapter 3 is next and I've literally been dreaming about writing this for months. I have a spreadsheet that maps out the whole trilogy and this is listed on there as "Shit Gets Real." So interpret that title however you see fit...**


	3. August Moon

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. I haven't gotten that much feedback since...I guess since I decided not to kill Chloe off and it's nice to see that you all seem to like this story. This is actually my favorite story that I've written so far and I like how everything is kind of building. This chapter tears it all down so...don't hate me for it. Anyway, this chapter has another STRONG T rating for drugs and language and...poor decisions. Enjoy!**

* * *

_Surprise, dear_  
_You both don't know_  
_That I'm here watching alone_  
_My worst fear, now my home_

_Such a cruel,_  
_Such a cruel heart_  
_Such a cruel, cruel heart_

_August Moon-Sara Bareilles_

* * *

**Chapter Three: August Moon**

Beca walked up to _The Garage_ and smiled when she saw her favorite bouncer manning the doors tonight. Since Luke had introduced this place to her during her freshman year, it had become one of her favorite hangouts and tonight she was playing her first gig. She smiled up at Mel, who she had become pals with over her attempts to sneak into the club without getting carded and having the dreaded 'X' marked on her hand, and said "Hey, Mel. Nice crowd tonight, huh?"

"Yep, they're all here to see you." Mel replied with a grin. "Good luck with your set tonight, I know that you'll kill it."

Beca smiled and tried to walk into the club, but he stopped her and asked "Where's Red at? That girl's a pistol and I thought that she would be here for your big night. Is she coming?"

Beca felt tears rush to her eyes and blinked them back hurriedly as she clutched her computer bag close to her chest. She avoided eye contact with her friend and mumbled "Um…she can't make it tonight. But um… maybe next time. Ya know?"

Mel just nodded at her and let the girl enter the club without another word. Beca was thankful for that and walked up to the DJ booth, ready to get this night over with and to forget about Chloe for a little while. She needed this and she wasn't about to screw it up over _**her**__._

* * *

_It was a warm July evening in the city and Chloe was exhausted. Usually on a night like this, she would head down to the pool in the apartment building and swim with Beca, but tonight was definitely not the night for that. She had gotten called into a meeting at the company and it wasn't completely surprising when it lasted for hours. This was one of her dad's old tricks and as she sat in the board room and watched the minutes slowly tick off of her watch, she grew angrier and angrier for actually falling for it. She hated what she was becoming and hated that she had left Beca at home all evening. _

_It was almost eight o'clock when she entered the apartment and the smell of marinara sauce instantly greeted her as she stepped into the foyer. Her empty stomach growled with anticipation and as she headed to the kitchen, she froze when she saw two plates sitting on the counter, untouched. They were cold and from the looks of it, Beca had just left them there. They had been building up to a fight for weeks and Chloe knew from the sight of the wasted food and the silence in the apartment that tonight was the night._

_She walked into the living room and leaned onto an armchair as she watched Beca sitting at the computer desk, fiddling with her DJ software and nodding her head in time with the music that was pounding through her headphones. The headphones weren't completely soundproof and Chloe shivered as she heard some of the mix that she was working on. It sounded like some kind of Emo music and that was **definitely** not Beca's scene, so she figured that she was in for an argument._

_She crossed the room and touched Beca's back, stepping back as the brunette turned around in surprise and instantly shot Chloe daggers. Beca tore the headphones off of her head and shut the lid of her Mac, before standing and looking Chloe in the eyes. Chloe wilted under the glare and she felt her blood run cold when Beca softly taunted "It's nice that you could finally make it home. I guess after spending twelve hours at the office, you thought that you could spare a little time for me." She paused, shaking her head as Chloe wilted in front of her. "You know, I thought that you weren't planning on becoming your father. You've told me a million times that you don't want to be him, but __**this**__ is definitely something that he would have done."_

_"I'm sorry, Beca." Chloe replied as she sunk onto the armchair, with anger and exhaustion pumping through her veins. "I should have texted you or something, but it was a really intense meeting and my grandparents were there. I couldn't just whip out my phone to send you a message without pissing my grandfather off. Please, just give me a break tonight. We only have one month of this left and then we can go home and forget about this summer. Just bear with me for a little longer."_

_"Sure, I'll bear with you." Beca answered huffily as she rolled her eyes. "I'm tired of this, Chloe, and I should have listened to what you said when you didn't want me to come in the first place. You're exhausted and miserable and so am I. I'm wasting my time here and you're not the same person that flew me out here on a whim. That place is changing you and I hate it. I made that dinner in the kitchen for you because it's your favorite and I thought that it would cheer you up. I'm tired of eating alone and wasting food on you and I'm going to go home in the morning. I can't do this anymore. This place is…it's making me fall out of love with you."_

_"Bec, please don't say that. You know that I love you and I wish that we could be back in Georgia or even spending the summer up in Maine, but I can't. I have to do this so I can go to school and so we can have that townhouse."_

_Beca sighed and said "Do you actually like it there?" When Chloe didn't respond, Beca laughed and chortled "Of course you do. It's giving you the attention that you've never gotten before. You're good at and in some perverse way, you think that it can make up for what your father did to you. Newsflash: It can't and you're wasting your time. Doing this won't make him love you or care for you. He's gone, Chloe."_

_"I can't believe you said that to me. After the counseling and all those nights where I couldn't do anything but cry, you throw something like that in my face." Chloe rose from her chair, choking back angry sobs and swiping tears from her eyes. "I'm leaving now and I'm going to a motel for the night. I can't even look at you…"_

_Chloe broke down into sobs as Beca stared back at her and neither girl knew what to say. Chloe was terribly sorry for what she had put Beca through that summer and Beca was equally as upset over what she had said to Chloe. It felt so cold coming out of her mouth and she knew that she had really hurt her girlfriend. _

_As Chloe started to walk back to the bedroom, Beca did the only thing that she could think of and followed her. She chased after Chloe and as she neared their bedroom, she grabbed Chloe's arm and shoved her up against the wall. She pinned Chloe's arms down loosely and just stared up into her teary eyes as she fought herself from breaking down completely. Chloe was fighting with Beca's arms and trying to get away, but Beca held her tightly and quieted her with soft endearments. As Beca pulled her in for a kiss, Chloe broke down completely and melted into Beca's arms as she held her and kissed the back of her neck. _

_"I'm so sorry, Chlo." Beca whispered as she stroked Chloe's hair. "I didn't mean it and I had no place in bringing up your dad. Please, don't go. I'm not leaving and neither are you. I'll make us some cereal and we can just sit and talk. Like old times back at Barden." Chloe wouldn't catch her eye as she paused and Beca bit her lip before continuing with a softer tone. "Please, I'm not ready to give up on you yet and you can't give up on me either."_

_Chloe kissed her cheek as she pulled away and softly said "I'd never give up on you. I just…you were right. I feel so guilty all of the time about my dad and I'm trying so hard there to get his respect, but it's so stupid because he's gone and we'll never have anything." Chloe pulled away and kissed Beca's cheek as she leaned back against her body. "Having my uncle appreciate my ideas or my grandfather pay me a compliment is the closest thing to him that I have left and I…why do I care so much about what they think? I hate it there!"_

_Beca rubbed her back and soothed "Because you miss your dad and you want his love so badly. He deprived you of that and it wasn't your fault, so don't think that you have to prove anything to them. Just tough out this summer and get your money and then we'll leave and never look back. I'm not leaving, Chloe and we're gonna do this together. I promise."_

* * *

Beca had just finished setting up her laptop when a friend who spun there occasionally stepped into the booth. His name was DJ Crash and he was around Chloe's age and had been a friend of Luke's. The two had hit it off immediately when Luke introduced them and now, Beca considered him a friend. She occasionally came to see him play and to have him there for her set was kind of nice.

"DJ Mitchell in the house!" Crash announced as he strolled towards her with a smile. "What's going on girl? Do you have a hot set planned for tonight?"

Beca grinned at Crash and boasted "Yeah, it's pretty sick. I've been working my ass off for the last few weeks getting this ready and it's all new stuff. A little darker, some trance music and a lot more techno than the poppy stuff I did before. It should be really awesome."

"It _sounds_ awesome. Fuck that other stuff you were doing, get to what's real and shit." When Beca nodded seriously, he grinned and asked "So, do you want to do a shot with me? Maybe take the edge off. I know how hard playing your first set can be and I brought vodka. Please?"

Beca smirked and held out a hand as she said "How can I say no to a face like that?" When Crash laughed, she grinned and joked "Okay, how can I say no to free booze? Hand it over."

He placed the shot into her hand and smiled as she pounded it easily. The vodka burnt her lips and tasted terrible as she swallowed it, but it loosened her up a little and the nerves were starting to leave her body as she turned on her playlist and started to pump music into the booth.

Crash grooved along with the pounding bass and laughed as Beca started to sway her hips back and forth and took another shot. As she placed the shot glass onto the table with a heavy clink, he winked at her and offered "Do you want something a little stronger? I have some E and that really takes the nerves away. I can't even play a set without having some and it just…you can feel the music."

He offered her a small pill and as she stared down at it, her heart started to race and she knew that she shouldn't be doing this. She had experimented in high school with drugs and while it was never anything worse than weed and the occasional pill stolen from a friend's parent, she knew what ecstasy could do. She had seen friends on it and had been around people tripping on it at raves and the highs were great, but the lows could be devastating as well. Still, how could she get lower than where she was now?

She quit thinking at that moment and took the pill in her palm, swallowing it and turning the music up louder in the booth as she waited for the high to kick in.

* * *

_It was six months since Chloe's father had passed and both girls were terribly busy as they were thrust back into school. Medical school had gotten increasingly more difficult and Chloe had finally quit her job at the bar to focus completely on her studies. Beca had also seen an increased workload as she got into the core classes for her major and combining that with Bellas and work at the station, she was constantly miserable. Still, while the weekdays sucked, they still had the weekends and Beca wanted to make this really special. She had greeted Chloe with breakfast in bed and they made love for the first time in weeks as Chloe was overcome with love for her. She didn't expect Beca to remember, but she had and it hit her straight in the heart. _

_After they finished and got a shower, Chloe suggested that they go to the park and they had been walking for a half hour, holding hands and not saying a work as they just spent time with each other. It was nice and it felt right and for the first time in a long time, their relationship was perfect._

_"Look, those little kids are racing boats. My mom used to do that with me when I was a kid. Did you?" Chloe asked as she broke the silence when they neared a small pond._

_"Not really. We weren't really park people and even when we went, I preferred to hang out on the jungle gym. I was even antisocial as a little kid, so I guess some things never change. Did your mom take you a lot?"_

_Chloe shrugged and answered "Yeah, I guess. Mostly on the weekends though since she was working a lot and my grandparents were helping her with me. It wasn't easy for her, but she made sure I had some normalcy and tried to make the weekends nice. __**This**__ is nice too, Beca, and I'm glad that you remembered. I didn't want to spend the day cooped up in bed and it's nice to just be with you and out here in the sun. Do you want to push me on the swings? Maybe you could try out the jungle gym again. I'd love to see that!"_

_"I'm far too old for that and I like this." Beca enthused as she shoved Chloe playfully. "It's nice to just walk and talk and not have to do something. How has your therapy been with Dr. Stevens? Do you think you'll stop seeing her at some point?"_

_Chloe nodded and said "Yeah, I don't think that this is a permanent thing. If anything, I think I'm actually feeling a ton better. No more mood swings, no more crying, and I'm actually talking about stuff. It's nice that I don't have to go there more than once a week now and she's even lowered the dosage on my antidepressant. I feel good and it's really nice." Chloe trailed off for a moment and collected her thoughts before continuing, "How are your classes going? Is your composition class still giving you trouble?"_

_Beca shrugged as she held Chloe's hand a little tighter and replied "Kinda. I've never been a person that's into reading music or having the notes in front of them. I like to just feel things and it's hard for me to sit down and write what I'm feeling. I'm getting better at it though and hopefully I'll be able to tough out at least a C."_

_"Way to aim high, Bec!" Chloe teased with a grin. "I could help you, you know? I took piano lessons when I was younger and I know how to read music. If you ever need a tutor…"_

_She trailed off and Beca smiled, kissing her cheek and not saying a word as Chloe's laughter was all she needed to hear. As they circled the pond again, Beca squeezed Chloe's hand and said "Chlo, how are you really feeling? No bullshit that you feed the doctor, just the truth. For me?"_

_Chloe sighed and whispered with a pained voice "There is no bullshit. I tell her how I'm feeling because I want her to help me. I want her to make me better for you and she is. I'm still a little sad and I don't know how long it takes for that to go away, but I do know that it's not immediate." Chloe squeezed Beca's hand for a moment, gazing down at the tiny fish in the pond and remembering how big they once looked when she was a kid. "I'm happy and for the first time in a long time, I just feel really good. It's nice to feel again and to be happy. I'm okay now and I feel like me again."_

_Beca smiled and pushed Chloe up against the first thing she found, which happened to be a tree. As the bark dug into Chloe's back and leaves scattered from the branches above them, Beca kissed her and held her. She was overcome with love for the girl and they stood that way for what seemed like an eternity. _

_As rain started to fall on the pair and soak through their clothing, Beca pulled away and announced "We should head back. I'm going to make you dinner and then we're going to get a shower together and repeat this morning. Come on, let's go home."_

* * *

The E had finally kicked in and Beca felt euphoria as her set played and the crowds of people danced to her music. They were loving it and she felt her own body moving as she swayed to her sick beat. She had put her heart into this music and it meant the world to see strangers loving it. It made her feel like she had actually done something worthwhile and as she took another shot of vodka from Crash, she realized that this was what she wanted. Fuck producing and bowing down to what other people wanted in a song, _this_ was what it was all about.

She was feeling waves of emotions and the music running through her veins and her heart felt like it was pounding along with the bass. She was giving people a high and playing them the song to get the courage to dance with a pretty girl or to shake their ass if they were shy. It felt great and maybe it was the drugs talking, but she never wanted it to end.

As Crash offered her a beer, she took it eagerly and let the bitter liquid flood over her dry mouth as she chugged it. She was so thirsty and she was about to steal his, when he stopped her and winced "Slow down a little, Mitchell! You're going to make yourself sick and that's no way to spend your first set. Plus, management doesn't like puke on the soundboards."

Beca giggled easily and fiddled with some of the controls, turning the sound in the booth up a little and gazing up at Crash as he seemed to spin in front of her. Maybe he was right, maybe she **did** need to take it a little slower. Crash just grinned at her and led her to a couch in the small room, sinking down next to her and sipping his beer as he watched her shut her eyes and try to will the dizziness away. When she opened them a few minutes later, she seemed to calm a little and he offered her a sip of his beer. She took it gratefully and as she took a small drink, he touched her arm and murmured "Where's Chloe tonight? I thought that she'd be here for this. She's your biggest fan and she loves those mixes."

Beca rolled her eyes and thrust the glass back into his hands as she stood up and replied "Fuck off, Crash. I'm not talking about her with you. I love her and you…we're not even friends, are we?"

"What am I to you then?" Crash asked as he rose to his feet. "Just someone that you swipe booze and ecstasy off of? I thought that we were tight, but I guess I was wrong. No wonder Chloe's not here, you're acting like a real asshole tonight."

Beca smirked and got a little closer to Crash as she stared into his blue eyes. They were almost the same color as Chloe's and she pressed her lips to his for a moment, trying to feel something that would take her mind off of the ginger. When she felt nothing at all from the kiss, she pulled away and whispered "You're a distraction. Now kiss me."

* * *

_It was a week after their afternoon in the park and Beca was waiting outside of the psychiatrist's office in Chloe's car. She was running late and Beca was a little worried as the car idled and music played over the stereo. After sitting there for ten minutes, Chloe came out of the office and from the sight of her red eyes, Beca knew that she had just had a rough session. _

_Chloe got into the passenger side of the car and didn't say a word to Beca as she pulled away from the office and started to drive back to their townhouse. Chloe was glad for the silence and leaned her face against the cool window as it provided a little relief for her pounding headache. She just wanted to go home and curl up in her bed and forget about the day. _

_Beca glanced over at Chloe as they merged out of the medical plaza and onto the road and softly began to question her "Do you want to talk? You're crying and I hate to see you upset."_

_Chloe didn't say a word and just stared at the familiar sights that passed the car on the drive back to their home. Beca couldn't take the silence and after a minute of fighting with her head, she pulled into the parking lot of a grocery store and parked the car, turning it off and locking the doors so Chloe couldn't escape. They needed to talk and she hated cornering her like a child, but it needed to happen._

_Chloe was in full on tears now and Beca took the girl into her arms, rubbing her back and soothing her as she broke down. As she rocked her a little, Beca sniffled as her own tears came and choked out "Chlo, just give me something. Let me in and tell me what's going on. We haven't talked in so long and I just…I want to know what you're feeling. What's going on in your head? Please, just tell me something so I don't have to worry all the time."_

_Chloe couldn't bring herself to say anything to the girl and Beca grew angry at her silence. Chloe had pushed down her walls when she just wanted to be left alone and she would be damned if her own attempts didn't work. She needed Chloe to talk to her and open up and she wasn't stopping until she got her way. _

_"So, you lie to me now?" Beca scoffed as Chloe looked away. "You told me at the park that you were feeling better, but this doesn't look like better to me. If anything, this looks worse than how you've been over these last few months. How could you lie to me? Especially over something important like this."_

_"I miss you, okay?" Chloe snapped and moved from Beca's arms, returning to her seat and avoiding her gaze. "I miss how things used to be and how easy my life was. When we could just lie together and that would be enough. When school wasn't killing me and we actually had time to enjoy each other. We live together, but I barely see you and it scares the hell out of me." Chloe admitted while returning her gaze to meet Beca's. "That's what we talked about tonight, Beca. I miss you and I'm afraid of losing you. I never lied to you and that's it. Please, don't be mad at me."_

_Beca smiled sadly and pulled the girl into her arms, holding her tightly and kissing her cheek as Chloe squeezed her back and calmed down. After a few minutes of just holding each other, Beca pulled away and said "I'm not angry with you, Chlo. I just love you and I hate to see you hurting. This whole school thing is just hard though and it's going to suck for a while, but maybe eventually it won't be so bad. Besides, we've gotten through harder stuff than his before and we'll be okay. I'm sorry for yelling at you."_

_Chloe just nodded at Beca and leaned into her shoulder as Beca turned the music up a little louder and they just sat and listened. It was nice to just be together again and as the music brought them closer and melded their hearts, they sat in that parking lot for hours and just loved each other again. _

* * *

Crash pulled away from Beca's lips and stared down at her in shock. She was with Chloe and Luke had told him that she was only interested in chicks. Lesbians didn't just kiss guys like him and he bit his lip as Beca finished off his beer and eyed him with interest. She was acting strange and he knew that he shouldn't take advantage of his friend, but sometimes alcohol helped and if she wanted him, he wouldn't stop her.

"I thought that you were into chicks. What are you doing, Beca?" He asked while running a hand through his thick hair.

"I told you. You're a distraction and I **need** this tonight. I'm tired and angry and you're here and she isn't. So, either fuck me or fuck off." Beca replied while raising an eyebrow enticingly.

Crash smirked at how forward she was being and asked "What about Chloe? You love her and she'll kill you if she finds out."

"So, don't tell her then. I'm forgetting her tonight." Beca replied, pushing him against the wall and breathing warm air against his pulse point.

She kissed him heavily and as she started to slide her flannel shirt off of her body, she knew that this was the worst idea she could ever have. Even knowing that, she wouldn't stop. She couldn't stop.

* * *

_Beca was grinning at Chloe as she flipped through her playlist and said "Chloe, you have to listen to this stuff. It's all new and it's completely different than anything I've ever made before. It's going to kill tonight and I can't wait! Aren't you excited?!"_

_Chloe grinned uneasily at Beca as she spooned down some cereal and as she swallowed, she mumbled "Yeah, I'm sure it'll be nice. What kind of different are we talking about though?" She asked once her mouth was clear. "I liked your old stuff, they were my lady jams."_

_Chloe winked at her and Beca grinned before speaking. "They're a little darker and not as cute as the old stuff was. I'm older now and I think it's time for a change. I can't wait for you to hear it. You're going to dance your ass off and I'm the lucky girl that gets to go home with you at the end of the night." _

_Chloe just nodded as she took a sip of her orange juice and as Beca slid her laptop shut, she knew that something was up. She sat next to Chloe at the counter in the kitchen and started to question her. "Are you okay? You seem a little strange. Do you not want to come tonight?"_

_"Of course I want to come." Chloe answered with a shake of her head. "You're playing and I love watching you spin. It's just that this is so sudden and I've had plans for a few weeks now. You're just springing this onto me over breakfast and I'm sorry, but I can't come tonight."_

_Beca looked incredulous as the words spilled out of Chloe's mouth and she ran her hands through her hair as she stammered "E-Excuse me? What do you mean you can't come? It's my first show, Chloe! It's important to me."_

_"Beca, I'm working on a research project with Dr. Pinze from school. She asked me personally to join her on it and I'm one of the few students that are helping her out. It's my chance to get published and that could be huge for me. Plus, I start rotations next year at the hospital and if I stay on her good side, I could get one of the better opportunities. Please don't be mad, Bec." Chloe pleaded while looking down at her hands._

_Beca was angry now and stood from the stool she was sitting on, thrusting it under the counter with a loud bang and leaning up against the wall as she stared at Chloe. She wrung her hands together and said "I was with you this whole summer for every emotional breakdown and bad dream and panic attack. I never left you and you can't blow off one night for me? I've never missed any of your stuff and I've sat through counseling sessions and movie nights with Aubrey and you can't give me this one thing. Why, Chloe? Just give a reason to not be mad."_

_Chloe was offended now and sarcastically replied "I'm sorry that I asked you to do stuff with me. I'm sorry if acting like a normal human and wanting social interaction with the girl that I love is so strange to you. I can't blow this off, Beca. It's important and it's going to help get me where I want to be with my career and my future. It's important for __**us**__."_

_Beca was fuming now and spat out "What about my career? What about what I want? This is what I want to do with my life and I just wanted you to be there to see it. I don't have a lot of people that I can count on and I wanted you to see that I can actually do this and that I can support us with this. It's fine though, Chloe. I get it. Have fun tonight with your head in a book while you're surrounded by your preppy friends. I guess my scene's too edgy for Dr. Beale now."_

_Beca stormed out of the room and Chloe went after her, pounding on her bedroom door and shouting "That's really childish, Beca!" Her voice dropped and she sunk to her knees in front of the door. "Please don't be like this. I know that you're good and I know that you can do it and I'll be at the next one and every one after that. I just can't go tonight, but that doesn't mean that I don't respect or love you. I just have other priorities and I wish I would have known about this sooner."_

_Beca didn't care what Chloe had to say and grabbed her laptop case and some clothes as she stormed out of the room. As Chloe started to follow her, Beca stopped her with her hands and barked out "Don't. I'm going to class and then to a friend's and I won't be home until late. Have a nice night, Chloe."_

* * *

Beca was pressed up against the mixing board as Crash moved in her and she didn't feel anything. No pleasure or pain or anger at how stupid she was being. Just sadness and she couldn't wait until it was over. She didn't know what she had expected out of this, especially from a guy that she felt nothing for, but at the moment it had felt right and like the best way to forget about Chloe. Now though, she knew what a mistake she was making.

She couldn't stop him though and she closed her eyes as her head swam and the colors blurred around her. The high was dulling and wasn't nearly as intense as before, but it still felt amazing and it made it easier to forget. To forget about the fight and the pain over the last six months. To forget about Chloe's eyes and her soft voice and how she had chosen school over her tonight. Revenge didn't feel like the best word for this, but somehow she knew that this was exactly that and it didn't make her feel any less guilty.

As Crash finished and moved away from her body, Beca leaned up against the board and breathed heavily as it all hit her at once. She was a cheater. She was everything that she had hated about her father. She had become him that night and that was something she had vowed never to be. She hated herself and the tears were building in her chest as everything hit her at once.

Crash was quiet as he cleaned himself up and as she reached down to pull her pants back up from around her ankles; she heard a soft noise and then a familiar gasp. Beca pulled her pants up the whole way and knew what she was facing as she turned around.

Knowing couldn't truly prepare her for what she would see though and her heart broke apart when she saw Chloe standing in the doorway, as pale as a ghost and shaking as she stared at the pair. Beca felt her blood run cold and held onto the desk as Chloe pressed a hand to her chest and softly whimpered "Beca?"

Her voice was quivering, on the very edge of hysterics, and Beca tried to follow her as she ran from the room, but the door was slammed in her face and she knew that she would never find Chloe in the crowd of people.

The tears were coming from her own eyes now and as Crash tried to comfort her, she pushed him away and yelled "Get the fuck away from me!"

Crash took the hint and slipped out of the room hurriedly, still buckling his belt as he escaped from the room. Beca was alone now and even the music couldn't make her feel better. She wanted to be sick and erase everything that had just happened and to change it, but she couldn't. All she could do was sob as she tore her laptop from the speakers and threw it against the wall, letting the music die as it shattered.

What had she done?


	4. Breathe Again

**A/N: I think that Keep Breathing started out as a story of the relationship between Beca and Chloe and gradually shifted towards being mainly about Chloe's experience as it ended. Like that story, this one is going to focus on Beca now for a little while as she faces exactly what she lost when she cheated. **

**As always, italics are flashbacks and feedback is welcomed and appreciated. ****Thank you for all of the feedback for the last chapter and I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

_Oh, it hurts to be here  
I only wanted love from you  
Yeah, it hurts to be here  
What am I gonna do?  
_

_Breathe Again - Sara Bareilles_

* * *

**Chapter Four: Breathe Again**

_If Beca thought hard enough, she could easily remember the first time that she knowingly hurt someone. She had carried the memory of that day with her since she was fifteen years old and she knew that it would be something that she would never be able to forget. She had considered herself to be a good person up until that moment and ever since, there had always been a rough edge to herself that she couldn't shake off. It was like that moment opened up her eyes and she __**knew **__that she would never look at herself the same way ever again. She was tainted and it took one moment of disrespect to see that she wasn't a good person. That she was flawed and just as capable of hurting someone as her father had been._

_Her father had invited her to his new home in Georgia for the summer and while she desperately wanted to stay at home and mope for three months, her mother insisted that she give it a try and forced her to leave. She imagined that human torture was a better punishment than spending the summer with Sheila, but she had no choice and went into the situation negatively. Her father had picked her up and had looked so happy to see her, but she shut him out and didn't say a word as they drove to his fancy subdivision. _

_Her father had never been about the money and while they had lived a comfortable life before the divorce in Seattle, they weren't extravagant by any means. Now, he drove a fancy BMW and lived in a house that was two times as big as the small home they had shared as a family. She resented him a little for moving on so grandly and she couldn't help but hate Sheila for what she had turned her father into._

_Once they pulled into the driveway and he carried her bags inside, he told her that he had some work to do for one of his summer courses and told her to make herself at home. As she looked around the stuffy living room and sunk onto the fancy couch, she couldn't help but stiffen up and softly said "Fat chance." _

_This place looked like it had been professionally decorated and she couldn't understand what her father had ever saw in it. He liked oversized sofas and mismatched furniture, not something that looked like it was staged for a magazine. As she folded her hands on her lap and stared down at her feet, she realized that her father was different now. He had changed and they weren't enough for him and all of this...__**this**__ was what he wanted. _

_When she looked up from her feet after a little while and blinked the tears from her bleary eyes, she couldn't help but crack a smile when she saw a large cabinet across from her that was filled with fancy porcelain dolls. __**Of course**__, it all made sense. Her father had fallen in love with a creepy doll person and this was the universe's way of making fun of her. It wasn't funny though and she stood up and peered into the case, trying to understand why a grown woman would collect something so unusual. She couldn't help herself as she opened up the door of the cabinet and pulled one of the dolls out, cradling it in her arms and studying its features. It was strangely beautiful and she was mesmerized by the smooth white cheeks and perfect expression. She had never been a doll person growing up, but somehow she couldn't put it down as she stared at it. _

_She wasn't expecting Sheila to come into the room though and as the blonde stood in the doorway and cleared her throat, Beca spun around and watched in horror as the doll fell from her hands and shattered on the floor. The look on Sheila's face was of pure devastation and Beca bit her lip as her features crumbled and she ran from the room, weeping loudly. It had been an accident, but somehow it seemed just to her and she couldn't bring herself to show any emotion as her father yelled at her and questioned why she was touching the delicate doll to begin with. They had been a family heirloom and were irreplaceable, but Beca just didn't care. The Ben Mitchell that she knew had no interest in heirlooms or dolls and as brushed past him and ran outside to take a walk and cool off, she knew that she had hurt him as well. _

_She couldn't get Sheila's face out of her mind as she walked down the unfamiliar streets and fought back tears as the overwhelming heat of the Georgia sun beat down on her. Her face had shattered like the doll on the floor and had broken open with emotions. Beca felt terrible and she __**never **__wanted to make someone hurt like that again. _

_She didn't realize then that she would repeat it again and again as she shut people out and tried to live a life of quiet isolation. _

* * *

Beca awoke in her bed, warm and shaking as the image of that familiar nightmare ran through her head. She had dreamt about that fateful day occasionally since she was a teen and now, it seemed fit to be haunting her. She had seen that same broken expression echoed on Chloe's face last night and the connection between the two sent her stomach into flips. She had screwed up and she knew that Chloe's love was just as irreplaceable as that doll and just as broken.

She was tucked under the blankets and as she ran her shaky hands over her soaked forehead, she began to wonder just how she had gotten home last night. The last thing she could really remember was throwing a speaker down and getting hauled out of the club by Mel. He had thrust her onto the curb and told her to go home before she did serious damage and wasn't allowed back. He didn't want her to get arrested or for her to be on the hook for a ton of money and he just wanted her to be safe.

She wasn't sure how she got home after that and as she looked down at her aching left hand, she was surprised to see one of her fingers in a splint. As she flexed her bruised hand and winced from the pain, the embarrassing events of the evening came rushing back and she held her head in her unscathed hand as it pounded furiously at the memory.

* * *

_She was suddenly cold as she felt rough hands set her down on the curb outside of the club. Mel was fuming with anger and shouted "What were you thinking, Beca?! All of that equipment in there is expensive and you can't afford to pay for all of that stuff if you destroy it. You're lucky that I got you out of there when I did because they would never ask you back if you'd kept it up. I have a job to do, so take care of yourself and go home."_

_Beca just nodded as the large man walked away and looked down at the ground as tears suddenly flooded her eyes. She was still tipsy and while the high from the ecstasy was fading, her body still felt like it was floating. She just wanted to go home and as she sat alone on the curb, she realized that she had no way of getting there. She had taken the bus down to the club, but it wasn't running this late at night and there was no way that she could afford a taxi with just a few dollars in her wallet. She was stuck and she hated to do this, but she pulled out her cell phone and dialed Chloe's number. _

_The phone rang and rang, but she never picked up and Beca didn't blame her at all. If she was Chloe, she would have deleted her number out of the phone and maybe that was what she had done. Or maybe her heart was shattered into pieces and she didn't want to see the person who had caused it. The second scenario seemed more likely and that didn't stop the tears from rolling down her face and splashing onto the dirty ground beneath her. _

_As she scrolled through her contacts on her phone and narrowed the list down to her friends that actually had cars, the number of people that she could call was minimal. She definitely wasn't calling her father and letting him see her under the influence. He would literally kill her and send her back to Michigan at the drop of a hat. The prospect of calling Aubrey was just as bad and that ruled out Jesse as well. Outside of them, Benji had a car but she wasn't close enough with him to ask for a ride and the only Bella that had one was Cynthia Rose. She knew that the girl would pick her up and as she dialed the number and listened to her soothing tone, she breathed a sigh of relief when the girl agreed to come and get her. _

_She sat alone on that curb for twenty minutes, periodically texting Chloe with no response, until Cynthia pulled up in her car and got out to get Beca standing up. She wrapped her warm arms around Beca's back as she hauled her to her feet and sighed when she saw Beca's tear streaked cheeks and felt her almost stumble forward from the change in position. She helped the girl sit in the passenger seat of her car and as she buckled her seatbelt, she froze when she saw the bruises and scratches on her fists and the odd angle that one of her fingers was in. She made sure that the seat belt was secure around Beca's body and got behind the wheel of the car, driving towards the hospital in the nearby town. _

_Beca scowled at Cynthia as she drove in the opposite direction of her townhouse and asked "What are you doing? We have to go the other way to go home."_

_"No, we're taking you to the hospital. I don't know what you're on right now, but it must be something strong because your finger is definitely broken. Look at your hand! It's swelling up like crazy." Cynthia shook her head and turned up the heat in the old Toyota, not wanting Beca to be cold on top of being in pain. "What did you do?"_

_Beca shook her head as she tears poured down her face and as she gazed through blurry eyes at her unrecognizable hand, she softly uttered "I screwed up. Chloe…she's never going to forgive me."_

_She couldn't stop herself from breaking down into sobs and Cynthia didn't know what to say to the girl. She had never seen her this emotional and she didn't know how to deal with this change in attitude. She didn't want to put herself in the middle of her friend's relationship problem and softly said "I'm sorry, B. I'm not good at relationships, but I am a good listener. How did you screw up? I know Chloe and I find it hard to believe that she'd never forgive you."_

_Beca just shook her head and mumbled "She won't and it's all my fault. I don't want to talk about it anymore, but thank you for coming and getting me. I didn't have anyone else…"_

_Somehow Cynthia got her to the hospital and the rest of the evening was a blur. She vaguely remembered having an IV thrust into her arm and x-rays being taken that caused her hand to throb in agony, but not much else. She did remember the ride home though and as Cynthia navigated the small car down the dark and barren streets that led to her townhouse, Beca couldn't stand the silence and had to tell her what had happened. _

_Her head was still aching as she pulled it away from the cool window and whispered "CR…can I tell you something? Even if I know that you'll hate me once I say it…"_

_"Sure, B. You can tell me anything, you know that." Cynthia turned down the radio, signaling to Beca that she would listen. "We're sisters and I told you that I'm here to listen to you. What's up?"_

_Beca cleared her throat as she stared out at the night sky and whimpered "I cheated on her." Once the initial gut check of admitting her mistake was over, she was able to breathe again and blink rapidly as the street lights flashing by her window blurred and stung her eyes. " It was with some guy and I was really fucked up tonight and she walked in on us. What am I going to do? She's __**never **__going to forgive me and she's all that I have. What do I do?"_

_Cynthia had stiffened as the news hit her and with an edge to her voice, she said "I can't tell you what to do, Beca. That girl loves you so much and you cheated on her. I used to look at you two all the time and get so jealous of what you have together. All of us did, but now…wasn't she enough for you? I can't… please don't say anything else to me the rest of the ride because I don't know what I'm likely to say to you right now."_

_Beca just nodded and stared out the window as Cynthia turned up the radio in the car and wordlessly drove her to the townhouse. She dropped Beca off outside and just shook her head as Beca thanked her for everything, slamming her passenger door shut in her face and peeling out of the small parking lot. If she had known that Beca had done this, she would have let her ass sit outside of that club all night._

_Beca felt the tears start up again as she stood outside of the door and as she fumbled for her key, the door opened up and Chloe stood there in her pajamas. Her cheeks were red from crying and she looked so tired and sad as she peered out at Beca. She silently guided Beca into the townhouse, ignoring her apologies and tears as she led her to her room and stripped her down and got her dressed in bedclothes. Once she got Beca into the bed and covered her with blankets, she left the room hurriedly and Beca didn't have to strain as she heard the red head break down into sobs and enter the bathroom where a shower was run immediately. _

_She had broken Chloe Beale and as the tears poured down her own face, Beca was thankful for the pain medication that guided her into a sleep that wouldn't have come without their aid._

* * *

Beca didn't want to get out of her bed and face her screw-up head on, but she didn't have any other choice and she had to be an adult about this. She had to let Chloe know just how terribly sorry she was and she would beg and do whatever was necessary for Chloe to forgive her.

She pulled herself out of her bed and pulled on a pair of loose jeans and a cozy hoodie before walking out to the living room. As she zipped up the fleece material, she shivered when she realized that it was Chloe's favorite hoodie and that she had stolen it from her laundry when she was folding a load of clothes one evening. The girl had never found her out and she felt incredibly vulnerable under the comfortable fabric as she saw Chloe sitting in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal and making notes in a text book.

She looked up at Beca as she stepped into the room, but didn't acknowledge her verbally as she watched the timid girl sink onto the couch and fumble with her hands awkwardly. The air in the room had somehow become cooler at her entrance and Chloe shook her head as she felt a strike of pity run through her body as she watched Beca stare at the ground and play with the strings of her hoodie. She quietly poured the girl a cup of coffee and crossed the barrier between the kitchen and living room, holding it out to her and cringing when Beca looked up at her.

The DJ was pale and looked sickly as she took the cup from her hands and took a long sip. She hated black coffee, but after a night like last night, she needed all the help she could get from the strong liquid. Chloe sunk onto the coffee table in front of the girl and softly said "I figured that you'd be a little hungover after last night. What exactly did you take and how did you get home?"

Beca placed the coffee on the small table next to the couch and said "Um…I did some shots with Crash and he had some ecstasy. He told me that it would make the experience a lot better and I was really nervous about everything…so I took it. When you left the booth…I started to hit a wall and I threw stuff and Mel eventually pulled me out of there. Cynthia Rose got me and took me to the hospital but…she knows what I did."

"That's great." Chloe sighed as she ran her hands through her hair. Of all the people that Beca could have possibly told, of course it had to be one of the girls with the biggest mouths. "If she knows, then Stacie knows and she has a big mouth too. All of the Bellas are going to know about this and I didn't want it to be public information. It's kinda embarrassing to be in a relationship with a woman for a year and half and to have them get angry with you over something stupid and fuck the first guy that they see. Is that what you want now, Bec? Do you want a guy? I was always under the impression that you just liked women, but that changed last night when you hooked up with _our _friend. What the hell were you thinking?!"

Beca cringed at the sharp tone and foul language that escaped Chloe's lips and mumbled "I don't know. I was just really messed up and angry and he was there… It didn't mean anything, Chloe. You have to believe me."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?!", Chloe shouted as she rose from the coffee table. "I guess I should be glad that you don't have feelings for him, but I really can't right now. I just don't understand why it had to be him. There were hundreds of women there last night, but you chose some guy to do it with. Do you want me to be more manly? Is that how I gain the affection of Beca Mitchell? Do I need to cut my hair short or buy a dildo so you don't screw someone else?"

Beca laughed lightly at the ridiculous words leaving Chloe's mouth and said "No! I like you the way that you are, but I just…I needed to feel _something._ You've been pushing me away for months and it's so hard to be in this relationship when you're hurting like this." She brushed the tears out of her eyes and took a sip of her coffee, swallowing to rid herself of her sudden case of dry mouth. "I was upset and missing you and so **angry **that you weren't there and I made a mistake. I wish I could take it back, but I can't and I just need you to forgive me."

"It's not that easy, Bec! I love you with all of my heart, but how do you expect me to forget this? Our fight was stupid and I showed up there last night because you made me feel so badly about going to that meeting with my professor. How am I supposed to know that you won't do it again when things get rough?" Chloe shook her head as she leaned against the wall, breathing heavily to calm her temper. "I'm sorry that I haven't been perky and loving recently, but I lost my father and that's not something that you just get over. You should know that, since you had walls that were a mile high before I broke them down. I didn't give up on you or cheat and I…how could you?"

"How could I cheat on you?!", Beca snapped out as she huffily ran a hand through her hair. "You didn't exactly make it a difficult thing to do. Maybe it started when you became so cold after he died and wouldn't talk to me about anything until I forced you to see a shrink. Maybe it was after that summer in New York where you were basically a ghost and only wanted me at night when you needed someone to hold or have sex with. Maybe it was when I woke up to you touching yourself next to me while I slept. You let me finish you off and I felt so used and dirty after you came." Chloe gasped and Beca looked down at her feet, ashamed for deliberately hurting her with that shameful memory. "How am I supposed to do this anymore when you're like this? I may have had walls, but I wasn't a lost cause and I don't even know who you are anymore."

Chloe's face was red with embarrassment and her hands were shaking as she replied "That morning was hard for me too and I'm still embarrassed about it and I don't need to hear about it from you. I was breaking down and I needed to feel something again, just like you did last night. The difference between what I did and what you did is that I had **you** there to get me through it. I know that I used you and it was so awkward and terrible, but it was your hands that were touching me and not some strangers. I didn't go out and fall on some guy's dick to feel better. I've always been here and I'm sorry that it's tough and that you don't think that you know me, but I've always loved you and…what do you expect me to do now, Beca?"

Beca's eyes were teary and as she stood from the couch and approached Chloe, she ran her hands through her hair and said "Forgive me! That's what I expect you to do because you love me and that can be enough. I know it can!"

Chloe averted her eyes from Beca as they overflowed with tears and Beca broke down into sobs as she whispered "You can't even look at me, Chlo. How do we move on if you can't even face me? Do you even want to be with me anymore?"

* * *

_Chloe wrapped the blanket around their naked bodies as Beca breathed heavily as she came down from the high. Her first time had been everything that she had imagined it would be and as she leaned against Chloe's warm body, she felt so safe and comfortable. Nothing had ever felt so good and she longed to touch her again, but she was too tired now and just wanted to rest. _

_Chloe kissed the top of her head and lazily said "Are you okay? I know things got a little intense and your first time can hurt sometimes. Was I too rough with you?"_

_"No, you were perfect." Beca shook her head as Chloe stroked her bare arms. "It was everything I thought it would be and you didn't hurt me or push me too far. I was really nice and I'm so glad that my first time was with you. It was with someone that I love and never want to leave. Thank you."_

_Chloe pulled her a little closer and said "It was my pleasure and I'm glad that your first time was with someone that you care about. Mine wasn't and you're so lucky for that. It's something that you can't get back and I love you so much for trusting me to be your first. I love you, Beca. Good night."_

_Beca was quiet for a few moments as Chloe got comfortable and started to drift away. As she ran her fingers through Chloe's soft hair, she breathed heavily through the tears clogging her throat and softly whispered "I wish you weren't in love with me sometimes. I know that I'm just like my dad at heart and that I'll end up hurting you in the end."_

_Chloe tugged Beca to her chest and held her tightly as she sleepily murmured "That's impossible, Beca. You're nothing like him and you could never hurt someone like he hurt you. I have faith in you and I know that you'll never let me down. Go to sleep, Bec. I'll see you in the morning."_

* * *

Chloe was overwhelmed with emotions from Beca's question and said "Of course I want to be with you Beca; I **love** you. That doesn't mean that I can though and I don't know what I'm going to do. It hurts to look at you right now and I'm tired of being sad and hurting. Did you ever even love me?"

Beca almost fell over as a rough sob shook her body and she stumbled towards Chloe, slamming her fists down on the counter as Chloe jumped in shock. Beca could feel the adrenaline pumping through her veins and as the pain from hitting the marble started to make itself known, she looked up at Chloe with impossibly bleary eyes and countered with "Of course I love you, Chloe. I've loved you since the moment I saw you at the activities fair. I loved that blue dress that you were wearing and how hopeful you looked when you talked to me. I remember **everything** about us and there was never a moment where I stopped loving you…even last night. How could you ever question that? How could you ask me something like that?"

* * *

_It was close to ten o'clock at night and Beca was sneaking through the corridors of the hospital, desperately rushing down the halls as she prayed that a doctor or nurse wouldn't catch her. She was on lockdown and forbidden to visit Chloe since they both desperately needed rest, but she wouldn't take no for an answer and had to see her. She had pulled the IV out of her hand and covered the bleeding wound with a paper towel as she escaped from her room once the nurse checked on her for the final time that evening. She hadn't seen Chloe since Aubrey took her down after her surgery and she couldn't sleep without talking to her and just making sure that she was okay._

_She finally reached Chloe's room and snuck in, smiling when she saw that the older girl was still awake and flipping through a magazine with sleep heavy eyes. She was exhausted and barely holding it together, but the sight of Beca standing there perked her up and she pushed the magazine away as she smiled at Beca. She bit her lip as she took in her dressing gown and the heavy bandage on her forehead and said "You got dressed up for me! What are you doing down here, Bec? The nurses will kill you if they find you out of bed."_

_"I had to see you. I've missed you so much and I was thinking about you and I just…I wanted to kiss you goodnight." Beca sunk onto the edge of Chloe's bed and grasped her hand, raising it gently to her lips and kissing it. "How are you feeling?"_

_Chloe shrugged and softly admitted "Like I got hit by a truck. I'm getting better though and seeing you is definitely helping. What are you waiting for? Kiss me!"_

_Beca leaned forward, pressing her lips against Chloe's and kissing her for a perfect minute. It was everything that she had imagined as she laid in her bed and as she pulled away, she stroked Chloe's messy hair and just gazed at her beauty, taking it in and memorizing it. She never wanted to forget that face and frankly, how could she?_

_"I'm so sorry that I put you here. Please don't leave me, Chloe. Don't put me through all of this again. I promise you that I'll never hurt you again."_

_Chloe let Beca lean against her sore body as she tried to stretch out on the tiny bed and with a weak voice replied "Don't apologize, Bec. It was an accident and it wasn't your fault. I'm just glad that we're both okay and I'm never leaving you. You don't need to promise me that because I know that you would never do anything to hurt me. You love me too much and I love you too. Now, close your eyes and just lay here. I've missed having you next to me."_

* * *

Chloe looked down at her shaking hands and softly said "I can't do this anymore, Beca. **We **can't do this anymore. This relationship isn't healthy and I love you with every fiber of my being, but that's not enough. I can't put my heart through this and I can't hurt you anymore. I haven't been fair to you after everything that has happened and I know that it caused this whole thing and I…I can't be that person that hurts you because they're selfish. I can let you go because I know that you'll be so much happier without me pulling you back. I love you enough to let you leave and I'm giving you an out."

"No, Chloe. No, no, no! You don't get to decide that! You don't get to say what's best for me, because you're wrong." Beca held onto the counter, teetering on the edge of hysterics. "You're all that I ever wanted and I know it's hard and that I messed up, but it will never happen again. I won't hurt you again. Why are you doing this to us?"

Chloe wiped her eyes and retorted "You already hurt me Beca and nothing can make that go away. I have to do this because we're both suffering and it's not fair. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to me or to Aubrey and our friends. We deserve better than this and right now, we don't work. I'm not saying that this is forever, but it has to happen. Please, try to understand. I love you Beca, but that's just not enough."

Beca sunk to the floor and shouted "Yes it is! I don't believe that for a second, especially coming from you." Beca lowered her voice as Chloe jumped and stepped away from her, backing up against the wall and holding onto it. "You're the eternal optimist and you told me when we started dating that all you needed from me was love. I know we say it a lot and that it doesn't mean nearly as much as it did when we first started out, but I **love **you. I want to be with you and you can't give up on me. Please, Chloe. Don't do this."

Chloe was on the edge of falling apart again and softly said "If you loved me so much, did you think about me when you were having sex with him? You could have come to me and told me that you were hurting, but you chose someone else and that tells me everything that I need to know. You're still a kid and I was wrong to put you through everything that came with my dad dying. I thought that you were strong enough, but you're not and that's okay. You're only twenty and yesterday reminded me of that and I can't keep doing this to you. I'm sorry, Bec."

Beca was about to say something, when they heard someone enter the room and turned to see Aubrey standing in the doorway. Her face was pale and full of anger and she shot daggers at Beca as she tersely asked the question that was making her heart ache to even think about. "You cheated on her?"

Beca watched as Chloe dissolved into tears at the appearance of her best friend and softly said "Yeah, Aubrey. I made a mistake last night."

Aubrey's face filled with anger as she glared at the girl and she kept her eyes focused on her as she pulled her shaking friend into her arms and let her cry into her chest. Chloe was practically her sister after their years of friendship and she loved her too much to let this girl hurt her this badly. She shook her head as Chloe started to sob and said "Get the hell out of here!", Aubrey demanded, shaking her head as Chloe began to sob. "Take your stuff and leave. I don't want you here and it's pretty clear from everything that I heard that it's over. You need to leave."

Beca bit her lip at the harsh words and focused her eyes on Chloe, who just stared back at her and didn't say a word. Her mind instantly flashed back to that night at Sectionals during her freshman year. How she had looked to Chloe to stand up for her after Aubrey's insults, but was only met by her anxiously shifting eyes as Aubrey stood next to her. She had snapped at Chloe that night as the anger flowed through her body and the look on her face as she insulted her had nearly broken her heart.

The difference this time was that she had already hurt the girl and she knew that she had no right to expect Chloe to let her stay. She had committed the biggest screw-up of her life and she had lost her whole world as a result. She had a future planned out with the girl and it was gone now. It was breaking her heart to look at Chloe and as she shifted her eyes and pulled her broken body up from the floor, she looked up at Aubrey and softly said "I'll pack my stuff."

Chloe had no reaction to her words and Beca knew at that moment that it was all over. She had lost the only person that she had ever loved and there was no going back now. She had become her father and the one thing that she had hated. She didn't know who she was or where she was going, but only that she needed to leave.

* * *

**A/N: I've done this before and I wanted to do it again since it worked out so well with Ten Things. I have a couple ideas and since this is the story that means the most to me, I wanted to give the readers of it the opportunity to decide what I do next. This is by no means done, but I want to fill some of the downtime between chapters with one-shots that I have in my head. If you like one, PM me or leave it in a review and I'll consider it. **

**1. Like A Slapshot To The Heart: _Some people find love at first sight or at a coffee shop. Beca found it at a hockey game._ **

**2. But I'm Like Super Good At Softball: _The Bellas play a charity softball match against the Trebles and when Amy hurls a ball into the face of the person she cares about the most, Beca realizes her true feelings for her best friend. _**

**3. Nightowl: _When Chloe mistakenly sends a text message meant for her brother to Beca, Beca drives all night to see her before she has her nodes removed._**

**So, those are my ideas and I also have a question. I saw a prompt on Tumblr, but I have no idea if someone ever filled it. Do you know if someone has written a Freaky Friday fic yet? It's been killing me to wonder about it and I have an idea for it, but I don't want to copy something that someone else is doing. Thanks!**


	5. Bluebird

**A/N: This took forever...so thanks for sticking around for it. This marks the end of the linear story telling and things are going to skip forward and move along until the end. There's like five chapters left and I kinda like where this story is going and it should be a nice journey to finish this trilogy.**

**Thanks for reading!**

* * *

_How the hell does a broken heart_  
_Get back together when it's torn apart_  
_Teach itself to start beating again_

_Bluebird - Christina Perri_

* * *

**Chapter Five: Bluebird**

* * *

As Beca drove towards Barden from her townhouse outside of Atlanta, the tears came easily and she made no effort to stop them. They burnt her eyes and left warm trails on her cheeks as they slid down her face and plopped onto her shirt. She was completely alone and as she turned off the exit for Duluth, she realized that she had nowhere to go once she got on campus. Aubrey had kicked her out of her home and she didn't know who to call or where to go to make things okay. She could call her father and stay with him, but she didn't want to explain things to him just yet and maybe she could just stay in her car for a little while. The thought was devastating though and as she looked around and saw the messy interior and felt her heat being leached away by the cool leather seats, she knew that she was screwed. She couldn't stay in here and she would have to put her tail between her legs and beg a friend to let her stay with them until she sorted her shit out. The sad part was, she didn't even know if she had a person she could call a friend and that made her heart ache even more as she drove.

As she merged into the turning lane for the university, she caught a glimpse at her back seat and cried a little harder as she saw her duffle bag and suitcase placed carefully on the seat. There were cardboard boxes that Aubrey had packed for her sitting on the floor and she couldn't stop herself from laughing bitterly at the memory. Aubrey had been so angry at her and kicked her out, but she had also helped her get her stuff together and even helped her carry it down to her car. Maybe she wanted her out of there quickly or maybe she just felt bad for her. Beca didn't know and right now, she couldn't bear to think about anything happening back at the place that she had called home since August.

There were so many great memories that had happened in that townhouse and she physically hurt just thinking about them. There had been pizza parties and sleepovers with the Bellas. Movie nights with Jesse and dance parties in the living room. Long nights drinking wine and talking with Chloe and game nights with her and Aubrey that took hours and ended in fighting and game pieces being scattered across the floor. It had been the first place where she ever felt completely at home and now it was over. She had ruined everything and she would do **anything** to get it back.

She finally reached the campus after what had felt like an eternity and as she pulled into the parking lot reserved for commuter students, she left the radio on and just listened as she tried not to cry. It was all over and it was hitting her in waves as she realized just what she had lost. She had pushed away the one person that had befriended her on this campus without any questions. The girl that had invaded her shower and busted down her walls and got her into a group with some of the best people she had ever known. She had given her a home and gave her friends for the first time in her life and now it was all over. She had done the unthinkable, the ultimate betrayal, to the one person she never imagined herself hurting and now she was paying for it. It ached and it burnt and she couldn't stop thinking about their fight and last night as she felt her heart ripping apart. She was in Hell and she deserved it. She deserved to feel this pain and as much as it hurt, she knew that it was right.

It was slightly comforting to listen to the indie music playing on the campus radio station, but all of the songs reminded her of Chloe. The girl had the most eclectic taste in music, loving everything from country to rap, classic rock to metal, and every song brought a memory of Chloe rushing back into her mind. As a _Bon Iver_ song started to play, Beca remembered their first fight in Maine in what seemed like a lifetime ago and punched the power button on the stereo, turning the radio off and leaving only her panting breaths and sniffles to fill up the space of the car.

She had lost the one thing in her life that mattered and now…she didn't know what she was going to do with herself. She couldn't stay and she couldn't go and she just wanted Chloe to forgive her, but that would never happen and it **hurt**. How would she get through this?

* * *

Beca was a glutton for punishment and after sitting in her car and reading through old text messages from Chloe for well over an hour; she knew that she had to get out of that car before she went insane. She had a rehearsal to lead and she was sure that Cynthia Rose had probably told everyone what she had done, but she honestly didn't care. Getting the group ready for competition in the spring was her responsibility and after screwing up royally once, she didn't want to hurt the only people that she had left.

It took a little while to reach the auditorium from the parking lot on the hilly campus, but once she reached it, she was met by an uncomfortable silence in their rehearsal space. The girls were looking at her strangely as she stood in the doorway and Beca had a feeling that they had just been talking about her. No one made a sound or moved a muscle as she shut the door behind her and she felt the anger rising in her chest as she glared at Cynthia Rose.

"Really?", Beca snapped out. "You told them what I did? How could you?"

"I didn't tell anyone anything about you." Cynthia snarled as she looked up from her _Blackberry_ with poorly veiled disinterest. "It's not my concern or my job to announce to everyone your mistakes. Maybe everyone is just wondering where the hell you were at. You're a half hour late for practice and you couldn't be bothered to call or text any of us. What do you think, _Bec_?"

Chloe had been the only person that Beca tolerated calling her that and she nearly pummeled Cynthia before Amy spoke up and turned her attention away from the smirking girl. Amy gazed down at Beca's hand and gasped when she saw how bruised and bandaged it was.

"Crikey!", Amy exclaimed. "What happened to you? Did you get in a fight with a dingo?"

"I'm not you, Amy. Before you get started on how you're a champion dingo fighter or some kind of hero back in Australia, you should probably just save it for later or just forget about it. I'm here and we're practicing, so everyone get up and get ready to run through our set."

When the other girls didn't move from their seats and Amy shifted uncomfortably in front of her, obviously hurt by Beca's snippy remark, Beca slammed her boot against the floor and exclaimed "Now! There's no choice here. We _have _to practice and I'm here, so get your asses up and moving. Let's go!"

No one moved again and as Beca's face turned red and the tears filled her eyes again, Lily stood up and said "Knock it off, Beca." The quiet girl's voice was unusually strong and as everyone stared at her, she shyly looked down at her feet and murmured "You used to complain the most about Aubrey and now you're acting just like her. Why are you being so mean to all of us?"

"I'm not being mean.", Beca replied with a shurg. "We have a schedule to keep and I don't want to be here all night with you guys. Maybe if you all could take a little criticism and put a little effort into this, we could get started. Don't tell me how to act either, Lily. This is coming from someone that constantly says creepy stuff and your opinion on how I'm acting means nothing to me."

A chill went through the air at Beca's insult and it was so quiet that you could almost hear a pin drop. Beca had never acted like this before and the girls knew that something serious had happened. Her hands were shaking as she balled them into fists and as she started to write down their set list on the grease board in the room, Stacie spoke up to shatter the growing tension. She tried to smile as she cleared her throat and soothed "Beca, you need to calm down and back off a little. Lily has never done anything to you and that wasn't right. You're obviously in a bad mood and it's not helping any of us if you're here like this. If you're having problems with Chloe, go home and sleep with her and make it better. That usually works for me and I'm sure that Chloe wouldn't mind if you tried it."

Beca's voice was unbearably loud as she spun around and said "That works for you because you're a slut. I'm in an actual relationship where sex doesn't magically make everything better. Maybe it works that way when you hook up with a new person every night, but not when you have someone that loves you enough to stick around longer than it takes to sleep with you."

Stacie's eyes were filling with tears as Beca berated her and Beca was stunned as Cynthia Rose stepped forward and slapped her cheek. The force of the blow caused a red mark to instantly appear on her face and she couldn't stop the tears from pooling in her eyes and blurring her vision. Amy had pulled Cynthia away from her and looked utterly helpless as she shuffled restlessly on her feet.

"What the hell is going on? We're friends and we shouldn't be acting like this! What's going on, Beca?"

Beca just stared down at her feet, ignoring Amy's pained words, and Cynthia laughed incredulously at her. Beca looked up at the girl tearfully and blushed as Cynthia spat out "You had no problem doing what you did last night, but now you can't admit to it. Tell everyone what you did, Beca. Tell them why you're acting like such a bitch. I'm sure they'd all be interested in hearing what you did to _our _friend."

Beca looked away as she tears dripped from her eyes and Cynthia knew that she would never be able to admit the news to the people that would judge her. They were her friends and Beca didn't want to lose them when she revealed just how flawed she was. Cynthia didn't care though and looked away from Beca as she announced "She cheated on Chloe last night. She was screwing some guy and Chloe walked in on them."

Beca could hear the other girls gasping and as she looked up at them, she could see how upset and angry they were with her through her tears. It hurt more than anything had before and she found herself blushing as she stammered "I-I didn't m-mean to hurt her. She b-broke up with me and I didn't wait it t-to happen. Please, don't hate m-me too. I need some time to figure this all out."

It was Amy's turn to speak and she walked towards Beca with an angry look on her face. Beca hadn't seen this look since Amy rushed to the Trebles' aid during their fight back during Freshman year and she took a step back as she shoved her shaking hands into her pockets. Amy didn't hit her though and softly said "We're the Barden Bellas and we're a family. You lot are my family and family doesn't hurt each other. You hurt Chloe and then came in here and insulted Lily and Stacie and that's not cool. You need to leave before you say something that you're going to regret."

"This is how it's going to be, Amy?" Beca squeezed the pitch pipe as unshed tears started to collect in the back of her throat. "You're just going to kick me out over _this_?"

Amy looked down at her feet and when no one spoke up to defend her, Beca simply laughed. She always knew that this was how it would eventually end and now that it was happening, she felt numb. She thrust the pitch pipe into Amy's hand and said "How's this for something that I regret? I quit!"

As Beca turned on the feet and stormed off towards the door, she could hear the girls calling after her but she didn't stop or turn around to listen to them. That part of her life was over now and there was no going back. Amy had been right, they were a family and she didn't deserve to be in a family that she was constantly hurting. She had turned into her father and now…she could never change who she had become.

* * *

Beca somehow found herself standing outside of Jesse's door and after knocking on the door a few times, Benji answered it and stared at her with an unreadable expression on his face. He tried to smile at her and nervously uttered "Hold on a minute, Jesse's just getting ready to head over to Aubrey's. "

He left her alone in the doorway and she knew that he knew. He usually would have invited her inside and talked to her, but something about him was different and she knew that it was her. She had changed and he was just reacting to her and it all was her fault.

Jesse came to the door a minute later, his jacket on and his arms laden down by DVDs, and just stared at her for a few moments. He eventually cocked an eyebrow at her and asked "What are you doing here, Beca?"

"I have nowhere else to go." Beca replies while looking down at her feet. "I fucked up so badly and I just want to talk to my best friend. Please Jesse, don't go. Stay here and talk this out with me before I go crazy. Please."

"Did you think that Aubrey wouldn't tell me what happened?" Jesse shook his head incredulously as Beca clenched her shaking fists. "I'm heading over there right now because Chloe is so upset that she's making herself sick and Aubrey doesn't know what to do. I'm cleaning up your mess and it shouldn't be that way. They've been friends for years and you hurt her so badly that even Aubrey can't calm her down. I don't want you here right now and I'm not having this conversation with you. You should leave."

"Where am I supposed to go?", Beca questioned with a whimper. "The Bellas are mad at me and I quit and Chloe hates me and Aubrey kicked me out and now you don't want me around. What do I do now? I can't keep saying I'm sorry because it's not working and it's not making it any better. What do I do, Jesse?"

"You've already done enough. I don't know where you should go, but you can't stay here. I can't put myself between them and you, especially when I don't agree with what you did. I love you Beca and you're my best friend, but that's not enough right now. I love Aubrey and Chloe has been nothing but a good friend to me and I can't ruin that over this. Just go home, Beca."

Beca shook her head slowly as the tears started to turn into sobs and Jesse couldn't look at her any longer as he walked away. He needed to leave before he stayed all night and as he shifted the DVDs in his arms and walked down the hallway, he tried desperately and failed to ignore Beca's painful cries as she leaned against his door. He was caught between a rock and a hard place and this time he had to choose his head, even if it made his heart ache.

Beca watched as he walked out the front door of the building and sobbed into her hands at the realization that her best friend was gone too. She had _no one _and she fought back the growing nausea in her chest as she pushed away from his door and softly said "Fuck you, Jesse."

* * *

Beca knocked on the door of her father's home and slung her backpack over her shoulder as she waited for him to open it. It had been a long day and it was nearly six o'clock and she just wanted to lie down for a while and turn her head off. She wasn't sure what she would say to him, but she knew that he would let her in and the conversation could wait a little longer. He could respect her now and be disappointed with her once she got some sleep.

As the door swung open, her father froze as he stared at her and took in her shaking hands and the tears that were dried on her cheeks. The look on his face sent her back over the edge again and she looked down at her feet as she asked "Can I stay over here tonight? It's over and none of my friends want me around and I don't know where else to go."

"Of course, Beca.", Ben softly replied. "You can stay as long as you want. Is this all of your stuff?"

"I wish. The rest of my stuff is in my car. I have it all with me. It's really over this time.", Beca announced as she picked up her duffle bag and slung it over her shoulder.

Ben didn't know what to say and as he reached down for a bag, Beca softly said "I just want to lie down for a little while. Can I go upstairs for a while and talk to you later? I **want** to talk to you, but I can't right now. My head…I just need to lie down for a bit."

"Do what you need to do, Beca." Ben had to stop himself from rubbing Beca's shoulder as she bowed her head. "I'll bring your stuff in and when you're ready to talk, I'll be here."

* * *

Over at the townhouse, Chloe was curled up on the couch crying into her knees and Aubrey watched her from the hallway, completely spent and unable to find a single thing to comfort her with. Her heart was broken and Aubrey had no idea how to fix it. That had been a first in their relationship and it was scary. They had always had the answers for each others' problems and Aubrey could remember every time that Chloe had held her when she cried and cleaned her up after she inevitably got sick. She could remember long nights in their dorm room, lying next to each other in bed and staring up at the ceiling as Chloe confessed all of her secrets. They were the best of friends, but that didn't mean anything now as Chloe was too far gone to console and Aubrey was completely lost.

She couldn't help herself as she crossed the distance between the hallway and living room and sat on the coffee table across from Chloe. She internally flinched as she violated one of her worst pet peeves, but ignored it and reached out for Chloe, taking one of her hands in hers and holding it tightly. She ran lazy circles around the tiny tattoo that decorated her wrist and remembered the night that Chloe had gotten it. How she had clutched her hand as the tattoo artist etched the small design on her wrist and how she had nearly puked, but Chloe had comforted her and told her that it didn't hurt at all. Aubrey knew she was lying from the way her brow tensed each time the needle touched her skin, but she didn't say a word and Aubrey loved her for it. She would always love her.

"I love you, Chlo. I'm not leaving you and it's going to be okay. I've got you."

Chloe just shook her head and murmured "Please Aubrey, just leave me alone. I…I can't look at you right now and I just want to be by myself."

Aubrey just nodded and left the room, taking her place back against the wall in the hallway to keep a constant eye on her friend. She slid down the wall and rested her head on her knees as she watched the girl break down completely. She just wanted to hold her, but knew that Chloe didn't need that right now and that she needed to swallow her pride and back off a little. It hurt, but she knew that it was the right thing to do as she slid her eyes shut and dozed off, completely exhausted at the events of the morning and afternoon.

* * *

_Aubrey gagged as the vomit continued to expel itself from her mouth and onto the cold floor of the Lincoln Center. She could hear the crowd in front of her laughing and gagging and moving away from her; the best that Barden University had to offer. Her father would kill her when he found out and the mere thought of him sent shockwaves through her system and a wave of nausea rolling through her stomach._

_She was completely alone, deserted by her teammates and left to humiliate herself on her own. She could see a stagehand rushing forward to usher her off of the stage and she swiped the tears out of her eyes as she tried to will herself to stop getting sick and to pull it together. It wasn't working through and as the tears blinded her, she felt a warm hand on her back and soft lips kissing the back of her neck. _

_Chloe. Of course it had to be her. She had ignored Alice's pleas to leave the stage and rushed to her friend's side, rubbing her back and glaring up at the young stage manager that walked towards them. He was about to say something when Chloe hauled Aubrey to her feet and said "I've got it. We don't need you to tell us to leave. Come on Bree, let's get out of here."_

_Chloe practically carried her offstage and Aubrey looked back at the young man staring down at the huge mess that he would have to clean and felt the tears come flooding back into her eyes. She felt __**so **__bad that he would have to clean up after her and she clutched Chloe's blazer a little tighter as they walked backstage and into the lion's den of Alice and the rest of the Bellas._

_Alice looked like she was ready to spit fire and grabbed Aubrey by the lapels of her jacket, pulling her face within inches of her own and saying "How could you do this to us, Posen? I knew that you were a fuck up, but you had to get sick __**here**__ of all places. We could have been champions, but you ruined it for us and I hope you **never** forget this. I hope you remember blowing our big moment in front of everyone and the crowd laughing at you as you puked like a little kid. What the hell is wrong with you? Say something!"_

_Chloe tried to pull Aubrey back, but Aubrey wouldn't let her and broke down into sobs as she begged "I'm so sorry, Alice. You have to believe me. I didn't mean for it to happen and I just wanted us to win. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry."_

_"Your apology means nothing to us.", Alice snarled while rolling her eyes. "Come on girls, these two can find another way home. Don't even think about showing your faces at the airport tomorrow or you'll regret it. You two don't deserve to call yourselves Bellas after a night like this."_

_Alice strolled away with the rest of the group and Aubrey practically fell over, but Chloe's arms stopped her and leaned her against the nearest wall. Her eyes were swimming with tears and her stomach was doing flip-flops as Alice's words and the thought of her father kept going through her head. She had screwed everything up and now, who would want to be in the Bellas next year? Chloe probably hated her too and she was the last person that she ever wanted to disappoint. _

_If she was upset though, Chloe was definitely not showing it. Her face was pale with anger at Alice's words and as she unbuttoned Aubrey's stiff blazer and draped it over her arm, she just smiled at her friend and loosened the tight bun that her hair was tied into. Aubrey bit her lip as Chloe wiped the vomit off of her face with the jacket and whispered "Don't listen to her, Bree. You're not a screw up and you're okay now. Let's go back to the motel and get some rest and tomorrow…we'll rent a car and drive back to school. We'll have a little road trip and forget about that aca-bitch. Please don't cry, Bree. I can't stand to see you upset."_

_Aubrey just sniffled and said "Why are you still here, Chloe? You did nothing wrong tonight and I don't blame you if you decide not to room with me next year. We're going to be the laughingstock of campus and you shouldn't have to deal with that."_

_"Hey, don't talk about my best friend like that.", Chloe replied as she guided Aubrey through the back exit. "I'm not leaving you and we're going to be just fine. We'll be different than Alice and we'll get great girls and we'll be back here again. I promise and I never go back on my word. Now come on, let's go and get some room service and just forget about all of this."_

_Aubrey let Chloe guide her to a taxi and as she tightened her grip around the shorter girl's waist, she shook her head in disbelief and mumbled "I love you, Chloe."_

* * *

Aubrey opened her eyes again when she heard the front door open and watched her boyfriend walk into the townhouse. He smiled sadly at her and immediately walked over to Chloe, who was sitting up now and reading something on her phone. Jesse didn't care though and took the phone from her hands, glancing down at the photo of her and Beca that decorated the screen and turning it off as he placed it on the coffee table. Chloe was about to yell at him when the tears took over and she couldn't do anything but hold her face in her hands and let it all out.

Jesse was there to comfort her and for some reason, Chloe didn't push him away. She let him wrap an arm around her back and pull her into his chest, hugging her tightly and running his fingers through her curls as he talked quietly to her. Aubrey just watched from the hallway and if her heart wasn't aching as badly as it was, she would have been jealous at how Chloe clung to him and let him comfort her. She was supposed to be Chloe's person but she was just happy that he was able to help her. Besides, he hadn't kicked Beca out and she knew that even though Chloe's heart was destroyed, she was still angry at her for being the one to send Beca away. It needed to happen though and while Aubrey was starting to miss her former roommate, she didn't regret it.

As Jesse rubbed Chloe's back, she managed to calm down a little and looked up at him with a small smile on her face. He gave her one back and said "I'm sorry, Chloe. I've had my heart broken a million times and it hurts so much and I'm sorry. I do have a cure for a broken heart, however, and it won't heal it, but maybe it'll make you feel a little better. What's your favorite movie?"

Chloe wrapped her blanket around herself a little tighter and softly replied "Um…_Almost Famous_. It always makes me cry, but it's the perfect movie."

Jesse's face lit up and he rummaged through his backpack, pulling out his own copy of the movie and waving it in her face. He was giddy that he had found someone who loved this movie and knew that it would make her feel good.

"It's one of my favorites too. We're definitely watching it now."

Chloe started to protest, but Jesse stopped her and said "I'm not taking no for an answer. I'm not letting you go to bed and cry yourself to sleep. This movie makes you feel good and that's what you need right now. Now, I'm going to put it on and we're going to watch it and forget about Beca for a little bit. Okay?"

Chloe just nodded and laid back on the couch as Jesse put the disc into the player and flopped back onto the couch with her after flipping off the lights. As the movie started and the familiar sound of _Alvin and the Chipmunks_ started to play, Aubrey smiled and pulled herself off of the floor as she kept her eyes trained on the couch. Chloe was allowing herself to smile for the first time in hours and even though Aubrey hated this movie, she settled on the armchair across from them and joined them for a little while.

Aubrey tried to watch the movie, but most of the time her attention was solely on her boyfriend. She watched him laugh with Chloe during the golden God scene, hum into her ear when they sang _Tiny Dancer_ on the bus, and pull her into his chest as Penny Lane overdosed when her heart was broken by her rock star. Chloe's sobs filled the air and overpowered the sound of the film and Aubrey felt her own tears sliding down her face as she turned the movie off and escaped to her bedroom for a little bit. She couldn't handle this anymore and turned to her studies, forcing the tears out of her eyes as she read a passage on torts in her notes.

She could only occupy herself with her law studies for so long and left her room after a half hour, stiffening as she stepped out of her room and heard no sounds coming from the living room. She turned the light on in the darkened hallway and froze when she saw Jesse sitting with Chloe on the couch, stroking her hair as she slept and watching her intently. Aubrey realized at that moment that she couldn't keep her eyes off of him because she was in love. It wasn't jealously or curiosity, but the one thing that she had always wanted. He was being so good to her best friend and seeing him like that woke her up and made her realize just how much she didn't want him to leave. It was strange and it hurt to feel like this after Chloe's breakup, but it was good too and she just wanted to watch him all night.

Jesse caught her watching him though and stood up slowly, smiling as Aubrey approached him and quietly tucked the blanket around Chloe's sleeping body. She then slipped an arm around his waist and led him towards her bedroom. She stopped in the hallway before they could reach it though and as they watched Chloe sleep, she squeezed his arm and whispered "I love you."

It was the first time that she had said it and Jesse kissed her cheek before he pulled her into his arms and said "I love you too."

He held her to his chest for a little while and when she eventually pulled away, she leaned her back against his chest and watched Chloe for a few more moments. As the tears started to roll down her face, he swiped them away with the back of his hand and kissed her cheek, never wanting this moment to end.

"I'll never hurt you like this, Bree. I promise."

* * *

Back at her father's home, Beca frowned down at her cup of steaming tea and stiffened as her father sat across from her. He stirred his cup with a small spoon and as her eyes focused on the movement of the silver utensil in the dark liquid, he cleared his throat gently and said "You wanted to talk and I'm here, so spill your guts. What's going on?"

She looked down at her cup as her face turned red and softly admitted "I cheated on her. I was asked to play a set at _The Garage_ and she couldn't come and I freaked out. I got drunk and took some pills with a friend and I just…I wasn't thinking. I wanted to feel something again and we haven't been great for a while and he was there and I…she walked in on us. She wanted to surprise me, but I guess it was her who ended up with the surprise. I was high and it was stupid and I ruined everything. She broke up with me and Aubrey kicked me out and now…I have nothing left, Dad. My life is over and it's all my fault."

Ben studied his hands for a moment, letting the shock of hearing Beca's story sink in before responding. He was disappointed that she had turned to drugs and alcohol to solve her problems, but he had been a kid once and he would yell at her about that some other time. His main focus was on his daughter's broken heart and as she shakily sipped from her mug, he knew that nothing he could say would make a difference.

"Your life isn't over, Bec."

He watched as his daughter's lip started to quiver and continued with "You're still only twenty years old and this…you're just a kid and the fact that you were in a very adult relationship doesn't change that fact."

Beca's face turned red and she was about to say something to her when he cut her off and admitted "I **know** you were having sex Beca, I'm not stupid. Anyway, I don't mean that kind of thing when I say adult relationship. What I mean is that you're in love with her and over the past year and a half, you've gone through so many different things. Things that kids shouldn't be dealing with, but things that you also handled perfectly. You had that accident and her rehab and her father dying and you never left her side. I was so proud of how you handled yourself and your relationship. I'm still proud of you for that."

Beca was crying now and whimpered "How could you be proud of me after what I did? I hurt her tonight and I don't know what to do. How do I get her to love me again?"

"You don't.", Ben replied with a shake of his head. "You wait until she's ready to forgive you and that may never happen. You have to move on if she doesn't and keep going. I know that it feels like it now, but this won't be the biggest mistake of your life. You'll make plenty more and I know that it hurts and that you love her, but your heart will heal with time." He reached out for Beca's hand and held it tightly in his, threading their fingers together and trying to just ease her pain a little. "You have all of those memories with her that you'll never lose and even if she doesn't let you back into her life, you'll have those things to look back on and remember. I'm not happy with what you did last night and I'm disappointed in you, but that doesn't change the fact that I'll always be proud of who you were to her and who you became through dating her. That's something that you'll never lose and your life isn't even close to being over. You **will** be okay, Beca."

Beca just shook her head as she stared down at her hands and felt her lip quiver as she said "I dropped out. I went to the enrollment office after I saw Jesse and I'm done now."

Ben was shocked as she sipped her tea and had to take a moment to compose himself, afraid that he was going to lose his temper with her. He could handle the drugs and the cheating, but not this. She was completely breaking apart in front of him and he wanted to shake her, but he had to let her self destruct before she could move on again.

"You only have three semesters left until you have that diploma. That's _nothing_ and you threw it away because things got a little hard. It may suck right now, but that doesn't mean that you just run away." Ben sighed heavily while pulling his hand away from Beca's. "You don't have to be like me, Beca. You can stay and keep living and start over."

Beca just shook her head and softly admitted "I can't be here anymore. I've lost everything and there's no reason for me to stay. There's nothing here for me now and it's time that I get out of here. I'm leaving in the morning."

Ben got up from the table, placing his empty mug into the sink and pacing for a moment as he ran his hands through his thick hair. When he finally stopped moving, Beca swore that she saw tears in her eyes and quickly busied herself with her drink.

"You're going to Los Angeles, right? That's still your dream?", he asked as he sat back down at the table.

Beca just nodded and replied "Yeah. I'm booking my plane ticket before I go to bed. I have a little money saved up and if you don't want to help me, that's okay. I understand now why you wanted me to stick around and you don't have to give me anything when I know that you don't want me to leave."

"A promise is a promise.", Ben countered as he stood up and shook his head. "Let's go to my office and I'll give you some cash and we'll get your ticket. I'll drop you off at the airport tomorrow and you can leave if that's what you want to do. Are you sure about this?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'm done with this place and it's time to move on. I'm ready now and I have nothing holding me back now. I'm ready to start over and what better place is there than L.A.?"

* * *

_And so here we go bluebird, _  
_Back to the sky on your own. _  
_Oh let [her] go bluebird, _  
_Ready to fly, _  
_You and I, _  
_Here we go._

_Bluebird - Sara Bareilles_

* * *

**A/N: I recently read an interview with Anna Camp about a deleted scene from the beginning of the movie and I couldn't help myself and included it as a flashback. I love her character so much and I'm working on a one-shot about Aubrey called Nice Dream. Speaking of that, thank you for all of the feedback from last chapter and I'm going to start on Night Owl since it was the resounding favorite. That will be published whenever I update Ten Things and I'm getting myself in trouble by balancing so many stories, but it's nice to change it up a bit. **


	6. Goodnight LA

**A/N: So...this took a lifetime to write, but I'm glad that you've stuck around. I got a little bit of writer's block and some other stuff happened...but I'm back now. I think I needed to take a little break to get my head back in this story and all of the feedback and the response for this story was what really led me back to writing it. So, thank you for reading this and reviewing and messaging me and just for making this a good experience. It really means a lot to me.**

**Anyway, I wrote like 8,000 words for this chapter and it was super long and kind of unnecessary, so I decided to split it in half and make it two separate chapters. I did this because it takes some of the pressure off of me to rush and write another chapter and also because 8,000 is excessive when I'm basically telling two stories. So this is Beca's part of the chapter and it kind of jumps around and the format is a little different than anything I've done so far, but I like it. The timeline and story of this chapter runs parallel with the next chapter (chapter 7 which focuses on Chloe) and sets us up for Chapter 8, which I'm _really_ looking forward to. For some clarification about the format, April is the present in this chapter and it jumps backwards a bit. No flashbacks, but text messages are in italics. **

**So the next update will be super soon and hopefully (if I can stop myself from getting distracted) I'll also have a one-shot to publish along with it. I'm working on a story called _Manhattan _and it's a Chaubrey, but it's nice to branch off from these characters and try something new. Again, thank you for all of the reviews, follows, favorites and all that jazz. I love hearing from you guys and I'm super sorry for the wait. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy chapter six!**

* * *

_And it's a dangerous time, for a heart on a wire  
Shuttle from station to station, noisily not knowing why  
So I put my head on the ground and the sky is a wheel  
Spinning these days into things that I've lost  
But you can keep all the years_

_Goodnight L.A.- Counting Crows_

* * *

**Chapter Six: Good Night LA**

* * *

~April~

Beca smoothed out a wrinkle in her crisp green _Starbucks_ apron and tightened a fist around the ever present flash drive that she kept with her anywhere she went. Los Angeles was supposedly full of opportunities and after six months of no luck and disappointment, she needed to be ready to strike if anything presented itself. The past six months had been the longest months of her life and it was really starting to get to her as she surveyed the near-empty lobby of the coffee shop and sighed. She hated this job and she hated standing behind this counter and she hated...she hated her life.

There was one man sitting at a table in the coffee shop, sipping a cappuccino and finishing up his article to be published the next morning in the local newspaper. Beca had talked to him occasionally when he stopped by after an all-nighter and he was quite the music buff. They talked about the local scene and old songs that they both liked and he reminded her so much of her father that it made her heart ache when she saw him. He wore the same doofy suit jackets that her father liked and made corny jokes that she couldn't help but laugh at and it was just a nice piece of home to have with her when she was so far away.

She stepped out from behind the counter and approached his table, clearing her throat and cleaning a spot of spilt coffee off of the corner of it as he looked up from his laptop and smiled. He glanced down at his watch and said "Jeez, it's getting late. Are you guys closing soon?"

Beca simply nodded and tossed the towel over her shoulder as she leaned against the wooden table and asked "What are you working on? Anything that I should buy the paper for?"

"No one should buy that rag.", he shot back with a smile. "I'm writing about mothers that breast feed in public. How do you feel about that?"

"That's disgusting." Beca grimaced and sat down on the edge of the table, smiling as she enjoyed their easy banter. "I saw some chick doing it the other day when I went to _Panera_ with my roommate and she just popped it out in the middle of the restaurant. Some things should be left up to the imagination."

He smiled and said "My thoughts exactly. I should quote you on that for the article. How does this sound?: Local barista and angsty college drop-out Beca Something-or-Other thinks that breastfeeding is totally disgusting. Can I use you as a source?"

He closed his laptop with a smile and Beca couldn't stop herself from grinning as she replied "Sure, that'll make you sound professional. Here, I have something for you before you leave. I made this last night and I thought that you'd like it." She pulled the flash drive out of her pocket and held it tightly, eager to give it to someone that would actually appreciate it. "I made a mix of classic rock with all of my dad's old favorite songs. There's _AC/DC _and _Led Zeppelin _and _Queen_ and they're all mixed together to make epic mashups. I don't know when I'll be back in here and I wanted to give you this in case we never see each other again."

"So, you're going back home?", he asked with a cocked eyebrow. "You're going to chase after that girl and sweep her off of her feet? Good for you, kid."

She placed the flash drive in his outstretched hand and answered "Not exactly. My old roommate from college wants me to help her get settled in her new apartment in New York this weekend and I'm kind of tired of this scene out here. It's not what I expected and I don't know if I'm coming back. I might bum around at her place for a bit and I'm sure that I'll go home after a little while, but it'll be nice to immerse myself in a new city and try to start over. New York is beautiful and maybe I can figure out what I want to do and who I want to be along with a million other tourists."

He smiled at her as he slipped the flash drive into his coat pocket and said "Well, it was a pleasure knowing you Ms. Beca. I wish you the best of luck and I sincerely hope that you make up with that girl of yours. She sounds really special and after everything you've told me, it would be a shame if you didn't end up together. I believe in true love and that thing you have with her, it sure sounds like that to me. Goodnight, kid."

She smiled warmly at him as he left and fought herself from asking for his name. What would it matter in a few days when she was on her flight out to New York City? Aubrey had gotten a job at a company in the city and since they had kept in contact after Beca fled from Duluth, it wasn't completely surprising when she asked her to come out and help her get her stuff settled in over the weekend. It would be an adventure and Beca loved the city and it would just be good to see her friend again. It was the end of April and Aubrey would be graduating from law school in a few weeks and it would be nice to enjoy those last bits of her life with her before she became an adult. Maybe she would even fly back to Duluth with her after the weekend was over and start over. Maybe.

She clocked out and hung her apron on a hanger in the back and closed up the shop as she sipped from a cup of hot chocolate and peered up at the night sky. She knew that Chloe was a sucker for watching the stars and maybe, just maybe, she was looking at the same ones as her. The thought made her heart swell and she couldn't bear to go back to her tiny apartment and instead walked down to the beach. She slung her shoes over her shoulder by their strings as she stepped onto the warm sand and after walking for a little while, she sunk to the ground and leaned on her elbows as she looked up at the sky and just thought about the last six months.

She had lost herself in Duluth and came out here with this dream of who she wanted to be and what she wanted to accomplish. She was naive and had huge expectations and just like every young dreamer in the city of angels, they were soon crushed when she realized that it **sucked** to be in this city. Everyone was fighting for something and the friendship weren't real and the people were fake and she just wanted something real. She wanted to go home and go back to what she had been dreaming about for months.

To return to the girl that kept her up at night and filled her head when she couldn't sleep. She would pace the apartment and make awful mixes and touch herself to old memories and it was toxic, but a high that she couldn't get rid of. She was still completely and totally in love with that girl and she knew that if she went out there and had one more shot, she wouldn't screw up again. She would love her the way that she deserved to be loved and she would tell her every word that she had kept to herself and she would be the person that Chloe always imagined that she could be. She would be good and everything that Chloe needed and she just...she needed a chance.

The chance that this city had never given her as it swallowed her whole and spit out a shaken and pessimistic Beca. It had stripped her of her dreams and hopes and turned her into a cynic, but there was some kind of beautiful irony in all of it and it wasn't as bad as it seemed. The music wasn't happening and she wasn't special, but she had discovered an important fact about herself in the six months that she was out here. She **wasn't** her father and she would get back the girl and everything would be okay.

It just had to be.

* * *

~October~

Beca had been in the city for a week and the hotel was still cheap and her dreams were still real and she couldn't wait to make the one connection that she needed to get her foot in the door. She had messaged a local DJ on _Twitter_ a few days ago and asked him if she could talk to him after his set. She was a fan and she wanted to know what it was like to be a DJ in a city like this. He seemed happy to talk to her and agreed to meet with her after his set at a small club off of Sunset Boulevard. He gave her a pass so she could sit in the booth with him and get the whole experience. She hadn't expected something like this to happen to her so soon upon arriving in the city and as she dressed herself in the perfect outfit, she found her hands shaking with anxiousness. This had been her dream since she was sixteen years old and it was all finally happening for her and it was awesome.

She was almost ready to leave when a text came in on her phone with a loud buzz. She pulled it out of the pocket of her tight black jeans and grinned when she saw that it was from Jesse. He had been the one constant in her life since she left Georgia and they talked nightly about everything. He had proven himself to be a good and loyal friend and she loved him for sticking by her side. He didn't tell her anything about Chloe and she didn't ask and it was just nice to forget about that ache in her heart and focus on his life and the radio station and the Trebles.

_Jesse (8:59 p.m.): Hey, are you still going to that show tonight? Be safe and I hope you have a good time. Try not to show him up with your awesome mixes. ;)_

Beca just smiled and slid her feet into her boots before sending him a reply and slipping out of her hotel room and into the bright lights of the city that was constantly awake.

_Beca (9:05 p.m.): Yeah, that'll happen. I'm still going and hopefully he'll turn out to be a nice guy. Maybe he can give me some pointers or something. Nothing has happened out here so far and it would be cool if he could introduce me to someone or get me a gig. No pressure though..._

Beca walked to the club and after fifteen minutes, she found herself outside of it with her heart racing and her hands shaking. The very sight of the club sent shockwaves through her system and catapulted her back to the night that she had ruined everything. It had been the worst night of her life and she knew that she wasn't ready for this, but she had to put herself out there and being uncomfortable was just a part of it.

She showed the bouncer the pass that the DJ had emailed her and kept her head down as she walked through the crowds of people. She didn't dare get a drink or buy anything from the obvious drug dealers lurking against the walls and instead pushed her way back to the booth.

She waved at him through the glass and he opened the door, greeting her with a smile and motioning for her to take a seat. She looked around at his equipment and he said "I'm sure you know how all of this stuff works, but feel free to ask me about anything. My technique might be a little different than yours and you can just get a feel for how being a professional DJ is. I'm Alex, by the way."

She shook his hand and introduced herself with an awkward smile. "I'm Beca. Thank you for this. It's really cool. How long does your set usually last? Do you have regular places that you play at? Do you bring your own computer or do you use the one that they have here?"

"Whoa, breathe Beca." He stopped her, putting a hand on her shoulder and smiling to relax her. "There's plenty of time for questions later. Just sit back and listen to some music. Do you want a drink?"

She shook her head and looked down at her lap, feeling young and awkward suddenly in front of the confident man. He just nodded and said "Me neither. I can't do this drunk. Do you like _La Roux_?"

"Yeah, I love the song _Bulletproof_. I've used it a bunch of times in different mixes. It's one of those songs that just fits with everything. Do you use it?"

He smiled as the girl got comfortable and as he put on a song, he sat down next to her and replied "Yeah, it's really great. So, tell me about yourself..."

The set list was great and Alex was nice to talk to, but she wasn't really enjoying herself. As they stood outside of the club two hours later, Alex lit a cigarette and offered one to Beca. Beca took it from him and allowed him to light it before raising it to her lips and taking a few drags. It wasn't something that she had done since high school, but it calmed her down and she didn't plan on smoking too many. She was leaning against the wall and Alex ran his hands through his hair as he studied her. Something was off, but he couldn't figure her out. Most people weren't this quiet after a night out at a club and he raised an eyebrow as he asked "So, did you like it? You're kind of quiet and I hope it wasn't from my set. Was it kind of disappointing? It's okay to tell me if it was, I completely understand."

Beca looked down at her feet and took the cigarette out of her mouth as she admitted "Yeah, kind of. It was just...I had these images of huge clubs and pounding bass and people cheering and it wasn't like that. You're really good and you have a ton of followers online, but this wasn't anything amazing. I was just expecting something like in the movies or on TV. Is it always like this?"

"Honestly, yes." He squatted down next to her and leaned against the wall as they continued to talk in the quiet night. "All of that stuff is a myth. There are a few big DJs that get their breaks and get discovered, but most of us end up like me. I play at a few different clubs and at parties, but it's nothing that I can consider a career. I'm lucky that I'm able to get these gigs and I'm also blessed with a family that supports me. All of this is fun...but it doesn't pay the bills. I'm sorry to break it to you and I wish I had a better picture to paint you, but you're still young and you should see the truth."

She nodded sadly and murmured "I just thought that everything would..._happen _as soon as I got here. I'd hop off the plane and meet someone that could listen to my stuff and I'd get my break. That's not going to happen though, right?"

"Probably not, but if it's important to you then you should stick with it. You've been here for a week and I've been out here for three years, so you have a lot of time to catch up with me." He stomped out his cigarette and watched her, frowning when he saw how disappointed and young she looked against the backdrop of the star filled sky. "I'll tell you what; I know a few guys that manage clubs around here and I'll try to get your foot in the door. I can listen to some of your stuff and maybe I can set you up with a gig. I can't promise anything, but I like you and I wish that I would have had someone to help me out when I first got out here. Do you have some stuff that I could listen to?"

Beca nodded and slid a flash drive out of her pocket, handing it to him and smiling as she said "Thank you so much, Alex. I really appreciate this. Is there anything I can do to repay you for this? You've been so nice and everyone else I've met so far...hasn't. Why are you doing this for me?"

"I don't know, I guess I just have a good feeling about you. I can tell that you're a good person and that's rare out here. I'll do anything that I can to help you though." He slung his backpack over his shoulder and rose to his feet, taking a few steps away from her and shaking out the cramps in his legs from kneeling on the hard sidewalk. "I should head home before it gets late. Good night, Beca. I'll call you with any news."

He waved good night and walked away from her and as she trudged into the night back to her hotel, she couldn't help but feel a little upset as all of her dreams started to fade. This wasn't what she had been expecting and she knew that she had unrealistic expectations, but for once she just wanted things to work out in her life. She was tired of being a disappointment and she just wanted to be someone that she could be proud of. Someone that her father and Chloe could be proud of too. The last thing she wanted to be known for was as a cheating DJ stuck in the middle of Georgia. This didn't feel right though and as she sunk onto her bed in her hotel room, she imagined if her life would be better if she just got on an airplane and went home.

She had almost slipped away when a text message came in that lifted her spirits and made her reconsider everything. Maybe she would stick around for a little longer and maybe she would actually make it. Maybe.

_Alex (2:15 a.m.): Hey Beca, just listened to your mix and I loved it. Forwarded it to a friend and you have a gig playing for his birthday party at Club Heat. Impress him again and he might have some work for you at his club. Congrats kid and good luck :)_

* * *

~February~

Beca threw her Mac into her messenger bag and flung it over her shoulder as she left the pounding music of the frat house and headed off to her second job. Money had become tight after about a month in the city and while she hated the idea of working for minimum wage and serving people that she hated, she had no choice and got a job at the _Starbucks_ that was a block from her apartment.

Alex had been great to her and was always there to talk, but he didn't really have any big connections and while she played a good set at the first gig he got for her, there just wasn't any room for a novice DJ at the popular club. She understood and had picked up smaller gigs around town, at tiny clubs and at parties at the local college, but it was quickly becoming a hobby that didn't give her nearly the same high that she used to experience when she was younger.

It had been different in Michigan and Duluth and as Beca entered the _Starbucks_ and waved at her roommate Callie, who she had met there one night and become fast friends with, she realized why. She had friends in those other places and support and she felt wanted. If the set didn't go right or her songs fell flat, she could rely on her friends to pump her up and make her feel important. She didn't have anything like that out here and it really sucked.

She didn't have to work for another half hour and as she sat down on the back steps of the _Starbucks_ and stared out at the alley across from her, she absentmindedly dug her phone out of her bag and looked through her photos. It was February and she had missed Thanksgiving and Christmas and all of the little moments that she had loved last year. Christmas caroling on campus with the Bellas and Thanksgiving dinner with her friends and surprises gifts with the woman she loved. Hours of Christmas movies that Chloe adored and the perfect kiss on New Years that they had missed last year. She had wanted all of that and as a picture of Chloe popped up on her screen, she had to swipe the tears out of her eyes as she looked down at it.

It was from a holiday party last year and they were both in big, ugly sweaters as per Amy's request. They looked ridiculous and Chloe had on this stupid head band that had felt antlers on the top and she just looked so happy that it made her heart ache. **They **had been happy and she would give anything, _anything_, to get back to that place and to make it better.

She was begging her fingers to avoid Chloe's number under her contacts and she instead settled on calling Jesse. They were still friends after these long four months of being apart and she just needed to hear his voice, to somehow make things feel better and to talk her off of the ledge.

He picked up the phone with a tired voice and Beca forgot that she was three hours behind him and instantly felt bad for waking him from his sleep. He didn't let on though that he was upset with her though and murmured "Hey, Bec. How was your gig?"

The tears wound down her face without control at his tender voice and she whimpered softly as she confided in him. "Terrible." She paused, swiping away at the tears that were sliding down her cheeks and plopping onto her apron. "They hated every song that I played and I didn't get paid and it was a nightmare. Then I have to go here and work and I hate this place. I hate the smell of the coffee and I hate the stupid apron that I have to wear and I don't want to be here anymore."

He sighed as he sat up in bed and said "Then come home, Beca. I've been telling you this since you went out there. We miss you back here and we want you here. You haven't done anything out there that you can't do here and you could come back to school and everything would be okay. The Bellas would let you back in and you could always get your job back at the station and things would be good. I want you here."

"I **can't**. I came out here to make it and if I give up now… I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

"What about what you're missing back here?" Jesse lowered his voice, not wanting to wake up Aubrey as she slept next to him. "What about Chloe? She still loves you and I know that you haven't spoken to her since you broke up, but she does. I just know it and she would want you here. If you came through that door and told her everything that you've told me these past four months, she would kiss you and take you back and everything would be okay. Why can't you just come home? I miss having my best bud around and I kind of liked being your lesbro. Now…I'm stuck with Aubrey and Benji and Chloe and that's just not that cool…"

Beca could hear him giggle a moment later and then the phone moved from him to Aubrey. She hadn't spoken to Aubrey since the breakup and she was expecting the girl to yell at her, but all she got was a warm sigh and kind words.

"Seriously, Beca?", Aubrey admonished her with a smile. "It's late and I can't believe that you're still having this conversation with him. I've overheard it over and over and I can't keep quiet anymore. She's my best friend and I know that she wants you here. She misses you and she's not the same. It's not the same here without you and while I can get away with Jesse sleeping over and being a slob because Chloe just doesn't care anymore, I miss the way things used to be." Jesse started to protest in the background and Beca smiled as she heard Aubrey smack his bare arm and mumble for him to shut up. "Get your shit together and come back home. I want you to come back."

Beca just shook her head and looked down at her watch, swearing when she saw that her shift was almost ready to start. She sighed into the receiver and said "I miss you too, but I'm not coming back. I should go, so tell Jesse good night and thank you for actually talking to me. I thought that you hated my guts."

"Contrary to what you may think, I actually liked having you around and we were friends." Aubrey laughed, enjoying the fact that the girl was still afraid of her. "We're always going to be friends and I wanted to hate you, but I know how much you love Chloe and one mistake shouldn't ruin everything. She deserves to be happy and with someone that loves her with all of their heart and I know that you're that person. I can't promise you that it would be easy, but I know deep down that she would take you back and a Posen is never wrong."

Beca sniffled as the tears flooded her eyes again and mumbled "If she loved me Aubrey, she would have asked me to stay." She was angry now and her volume increased along with her frustration with the whole situation. "If she wanted me in her life, she would have called me or texted me or just let me know that I still have a place in her heart. I don't though and I can't come back there because…I have nothing left. I disappointed all of you and maybe I'm better off out here. Good night, Aubrey."

Aubrey was upset now and whispered "Call me sometime, Beca. I **do **miss you and if you ever just need to talk, I'm here. I would listen to you and I'm still your friend."

"Sure, Bree. Good night."

She hung up the call and looked down at the screen and was met by the remembrance of everything she lost as the picture was still there. She angrily deleted it and threw her phone back into her bag as she went in to start her shift. She couldn't do this anymore and while Jesse and Aubrey had made her feel slightly better, it wasn't enough.

She wanted Chloe to want her back and until that happened, she couldn't leave this place. Chloe had all of her heart and she wouldn't have it back until the girl forgave her and loved her again. She would wait an eternity if she had to to start living again. She wouldn't give up on what they had and even if she had to be miserable and alone until she died, she would never stop loving that girl and she would never forget what they had.

As she punched in for her shift and put her stuff in a locker, she couldn't help but smirk at how dumb she was. If she would have said those words to Chloe instead of letting Aubrey pack her stuff up, maybe they would still be together and maybe everything would be okay. Maybe.

* * *

~March~

Beca laid back on her small bed in her apartment and sighed when she heard her phone ringing. She had played at a sweet sixteen party last night and her head was still pounding from the headache she received courtesy of the awful wish list of songs that the birthday girl had supplied her with. Still, it was a paying job and those were harder and harder to come by in this city.

She glanced down at the screen and groaned when she saw that Aubrey was calling her. It had been five months since she had left Georgia and she and Aubrey talked regularly now. Aubrey was a surprisingly good listener and there were nights were she would just pour her heart out to her and get nothing but reassurance and good advice in return. She missed having her around and if she would have imagined that she would long for Aubrey Posen's company when she was a freshman, she would have thought that she was crazy. She had grown though and she missed everything about Barden and it was just nice to have that piece of her old life regularly.

"Hello?", she answered the phone with a groan.

Aubrey's voice was bright and cheery on the other end as she said "Beca? It's almost noon here, so it's…nine o'clock out there. What are you still doing in bed? You didn't have work last night and you should be up and enjoying the sunshine. I bet it's beautiful out there right now."

"Yeah, it's pretty nice." Beca sighed as she sat up in bed, knowing that this was going to be a long conversation and that it would be hopeless to even think about getting some extra sleep. "It's not too warm yet and there aren't too many tourists at the beach and it's a lot different than Georgia. I keep telling you to come out here. You have spring break in a few weeks and you could fly out here and hang out with me for a little while. It could be nice."

"That's nice, but I don't want to be depressed during my last spring break ever. Besides, I already have plans.", Aubrey replied with a laugh. "So, speaking of travel, I have a proposition for you. I was just offered a job in New York after I graduate and I couldn't say no to it, so I'll be moving to the city in May. I've already found an apartment, courtesy of our mutual connection in the city, and I need some helping moving my things in. I'm starting to move the weekend before classes start up again and I was wondering if you'd like to help me out. It would just be you and me and it would be kind of nice. One weekend of debauchery and shopping with yours truly. What do you say?"

"A weekend with Aubrey Posen?" Beca pondered for a moment, making the blonde await her answer for a moment. "You've just made my wildest dreams come true!"

Both girls broke down into laughter and Beca bit back a grin as she composed herself and softly said "I'd actually really like that Aubrey. So when should I make my flight reservation?"

* * *

~April~

Beca picked herself up off of the sand and brushed her pants off before calling Aubrey and starting to walk back home. She frowned when her voicemail picked up, but pasted on a smile when she remembered that it was late and that Aubrey was doing God knows what down in Miami for her spring break. She would be travelling to the city on Friday evening from Florida and they would be seeing each other for the first time in a long time.

She listened to Aubrey's perfect strictly business message and hung up, hating the impersonal nature of voicemails and finding herself more content to text her with her plans. She sunk down onto a bench below her building and smiled to herself as she typed out the words that would both make Aubrey's day and piss her off with their forwardness.

_Beca (1:35 a.m.): So I know that you're busy with Chloe down in Miami and that you're probably wasted right now and doing body shots with some guy, but I have a favor to ask you. _

_Beca (1:38 a.m.): When I fly out to the city on Friday night, I'm not coming back here. I'm kinda tired of this town and I'm ready to start over. I'm going to go home eventually, but I just need to clear my head first. _

_Beca (1:45 a.m.): So, don't be mad, but I want to know if I can camp out on your couch for a little while. I know you're leaving after the weekend, but I just need some time to figure out what I want to do and I'd hate to be homeless in the city. Please? I'd love you forever…_

_Beca (1:47 a.m.): Okay, I'll love you if you don't let me stay, but it would be great if you did. I'm serious about this and it would just be really nice. Hope you're having fun and try not to get too drunk. I'll talk to you tomorrow. xx_

Now, she just had to hope that Aubrey would let her stay and that she would really find what she was looking for by returning home. It was a leap of faith and a huge step forward, but she wanted Chloe back and she had to face her demons and this was the only way that she knew how. She was coming back home and it was everything that she had ever wanted her father to do and she was proud of herself for making this decision and for becoming the person she always knew that she could be. She **wasn't** her father and with that weight off of her shoulders, she knew that she could do anything.

She was ready to come back and she was ready to face what she had done and she was ready to make things right. Her heart was ready to be whole again and her eyes were ready to focus on that beautiful girl and it would be enough to just hold her and kiss her and let her know how much she cared. She was ready.

This new start was something, strike that, it was **everything** and it was all she had ever wanted. An opportunity to open herself up and accept the love that she deserved while giving it in return. She was ready. She would never screw this up.


	7. Miami

**A/N: To see me try to give a good excuse for why this took so long, proceed to end of chapter. **

* * *

_Can I say,_ _"I wish that this weather would never leave?"_  
_It just gets hard to believe, t__hat God sent this angel to watch over me _

_Cause my angel, she don't receive my calls  
Says I'm too dumb to fuck, too dumb to fight, too dumb to save  
Well, maybe I don't need no angel at all _

_Miami-Counting Crows_

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Miami**

* * *

~December~

If was Christmas day and Chloe was snuggled up under blankets on her bed with her laptop propped on her knees and the family dog, Chester, snoring next to her. She was spending the holidays in Florida with her parents and little sister and it had been different than last year, but still nice. She had gotten to see Abby open her presents and had a nice dinner that her mom had cooked and in general, it wasn't too bad. It was just…different.

There was no one to steal kisses from while no one was looking or a hand to clutch while her step-father made inappropriate comments at dinner. There were no inside jokes or perfect presents or a body next to her when they snuck away from everyone and made love upstairs. She was alone and her heart was broken and it really sucked.

She hadn't heard from Beca since she left their townhouse and she was worried about the girl. Aubrey had told her that Beca was out in Los Angeles now, but that was all that she knew and Chloe was kind of grateful for that. She didn't want to be the bitter ex that kept tabs on their past love and she was just really happy to know that Beca was following her dreams. Still, she didn't want to imagine her spending Christmas alone and opened up her laptop, pulling up her browser and loading _Facebook_.

She hated the website and rarely used it, but desperate times called for desperate measures and she just hoped that Beca was still updating her profile. It took a little while for the website to load over the awful wi-fi reception in the upstairs of the house, but finally it logged in and she smiled as she looked at her home page. Bingo.

_Beca Mitchell: Christmas on the east coast is so strange. I can't believe that there are people surfing outside of my apartment on Christmas day. This place is awesome!_

Chloe smiled and moved her mouse over to the likes button under her status, grinning when she saw that several of the Bellas had liked it. It made her happy to see that maybe she was still in contact with them after quitting the group and that hopefully they were all still talking and keeping tabs on her. She felt even more reassured when she looked down and saw that Fat Amy had commented on it.

_Fat Amy: Try Christmas in Tasmania, B. We have sun, surfing, and kangaroos! Can't wait to Skype you later :)_

Maybe the girl really was okay and finding success out in Los Angeles. It was easy to be bitter, but Chloe only wanted the best for her and hoped that she was happy. That she was following her heart and making friends and just being okay.

They both had to be okay.

* * *

~January~

Chloe had been the first to come back from winter break and the townhouse seemed so much larger when it was empty. She hated being alone and as she curled up on the couch and tried to keep busy with awful reality shows and _Netflix_, she began to wonder if this was what the rest of her life would be like. Aubrey would be graduating in five months and off to God knows where to become a lawyer. Beca was gone and she would be alone. Sure, she had other friends, but those two had held the biggest part of her heart and it hurt to imagine staying back while they both moved forward. It ached and her eyes stung with tears and she tried not to think about it. She couldn't think about it.

Aubrey came back the weekend before classes started and Chloe noticed that there was something off with her. She had practically crept into the townhouse, dragging her suitcase along and shutting herself up in her bedroom without even announcing to her roommate that she had come back. She had never done that before and as Chloe stood outside her door and listened to the muffled sobs inching their way out from under the crack, she became worried. She knew that Aubrey still didn't have a great relationship with her father, but things _had _been better since they reconciled last summer and she couldn't imagine what terrible thing had happened to cause this type of reaction from her friend.

Chloe knocked lightly on the door several times, shaking her head when Aubrey didn't make a sound, and opening the door after the fifth time. She inched her way into the darkened bedroom and sighed when she saw Aubrey huddled under a pile of blankets on her bed. Her head was peeking out from underneath the top of them and Chloe could see the dried tears that stained her cheeks. This wasn't good.

"Are you okay?" Chloe asked tentatively as she sunk onto the edge of the bed. "You didn't say hello to me or even let me know that you got in. What happened?"

"Nothing", Aubrey croaked out with unshed tears shimmering in her eyes and an ache in her chest from holding back her sobs during the drive back from the airport. "I'm just glad to be home, that's all."

"Bree, don't be ridiculous." Chloe shook her head while starting to run her fingers through her blonde locks. "I know you a little better than you think and I know that you would never cry over something so silly. What happened at home? Was it your dad?"

Those words seemed to flip a switch inside the girl and she bit her lip as she nodded and broke down into tears. She buried her face into her blanket and Chloe laid down next to her, wrapping an arm around her back and holding her as she broke down. She hadn't seen the girl this emotional in forever and it was scary. She was worried and she couldn't begin to imagine what Mr. Posen had done. She didn't push her though, choosing to sit back and wait for the girl to begin so she didn't seem nosy. She'd wait there all night if it meant that Aubrey felt better. She loved her enough to stay.

"My dad can't hire me at the firm", Aubrey whispered, so softly that Chloe had to lean close to even hear her. "They're cutting back and they can't hire me when I graduate. What am I going to do, Chloe? All these years, that's all that my father has talked about and now…what am I supposed to do? My whole life has been planned out for me and everything's changed. What do I do?"

"I don't know, Bree", Chloe breathed the words against her ear as she held her tighter. "Is it that terrible that you won't be working for him? I mean, your dad isn't the easiest person in the world to get along with."

"I know Chloe, but…what if I can't find a job? Do you know how many people graduate from law school each year? Then there's all of the people that are still looking for jobs and others that aren't retiring and I'm just really-"

"-You're scared", Chloe cut the girl off, knowing that she was on the verge of tears again. "It's okay, Aubrey. Everyone faces this when they graduate and it's normal. You're the smartest person that I know though and any law firm would be lucky to have you. If you can't find anything though, I'll be here and it'll be okay. You can take your time and find something that makes you happy. You're going to be alright."

"I love you, Chloe", Aubrey murmured and kissed her cheek as she snuggled against her best friend. "Promise me that everything will be alright."

"I love you too and I promise. Everything's going to be alright."

Aubrey seemed to calm at those words and Chloe held her a little tighter, resting her chin on top of the girl's head and getting lost in her thoughts as her friend slipped away. How could she promise something like that when her own future was so cloudy? How could she tell her that it would all be alright when she wasn't entirely sure of that herself? She was a mess and confused and it was easier to just sleep than to worry any longer.

This growing up thing sucked.

* * *

~March~

Chloe slid the French toast out of the skillet and placed it on a plate for Aubrey, a surprise for when she finally rolled out of bed. The last two months had been hard to handle and today she had a surprise for her friend. Aubrey had been a mess since her father had disappointed her and today was the day that Chloe put aside her desire to keep her friend close and gave her something that would make her happy, even if it sent her away. It was terrifying and her heart was aching, but she knew it was the right thing to do.

Aubrey walked into the kitchen and grinned when she saw that Chloe had prepared breakfast for them. French toast was her favorite and she loved to make it for them on Saturday mornings, but Chloe had surprised her and it was nice. It was just the thing that she needed to pull herself out of her rut.

"So, how's your morning going so far?" Chloe asked between sips of orange juice as Aubrey sat on a bar stool and started to cut up her toast. "Did you sleep well?"

"Why are you acting like a creeper?" Aubrey mumbled with her cheeks full of breakfast. "Are these drugged?"

"No, you idiot! You know, it **is** possible that I just want to check in on you and make sure that you're doing okay." Aubrey just shrugged and Chloe smiled while starting to eat her own plate of breakfast. "I haven't seen Jesse around here lately. Are you two taking a break?"

"He's busy with classes", Aubrey responded tersely, clearly not wanting to focus on that topic of conversation. "Besides, we're kind of drifting apart. We both aren't sure about a long distance relationship and I can't guarantee that I'll be here once I graduate. Who knows though…there's also a good chance that no one hires me and you get a permanent freeloader."

"Bree!"

"What? You asked." Aubrey looked back down at her plate, finding some kind of solace in the puddle of maple syrup that covered it. "Chloe, I know that you want to tell me something, so just get it over with before I go crazy. In case you haven't heard this before, you're terrible at keeping a secret!"

"I hate you sometimes…" Chloe trailed off while hiding a smile, feeling her stomach flop with a mix of excitement and anxiety. "I…I want to ask you something and please, don't get angry with me. I just want you to be happy."

"Chloe…" Aubrey sighed while pushing her plate away and locking eyes with her dearest friend. "You're my sister and I love you. There's nothing that you could ever say to me that would make me angry."

"What if I was sleeping with Jesse?"

"A. You would never do that and B. He's not a chick. I'm pretty sure that both myself and Beca would murder you if that ever happened. Now, what's up?"

Chloe looked down at her lap and played with a loose string on her pajama bottoms before looking back up at her friend. "What do you think about New York?"

"I hate it!" Aubrey practically spat the words out, giving them no second thoughts as they spilt from her lips. "After everything we went though up there, with your dad and puke-gate, I don't want to ever go back. Why?"

"I just thought that you always loved the city. You used to talk about it all the time…"

"Okay…I guess it's not so bad." Aubrey smiled at her friend as she tried to hide the disappointment on her face. "It's actually pretty nice, with the buildings and the culture and the activity. I guess I wouldn't mind it _so _much. Why? Chloe, please just spit it out. You look like you're going to explode!"

"I want you to work for the company."

"What?!"

"I talked to my grandparents and the board members and we all think that we would be very lucky to have you as a part of the family. You would be a staff lawyer, in any department that you want. I recommended you for our international relations department, since you've always wanted to see the world…"

"Chloe…"

"And I know that it's really far away from Georgia, but it's a great opportunity."

"Chloe!"

"And I'm not taking no for an answer, so here." Chloe pulled a key out of her pocket and shoved it into Aubrey's hand, watching silently as she blinked back tears and stared down at it with wide eyes.

"This is…"

"The key to my dad's apartment. We haven't found a buyer yet and I want you to stay there until you find a place of your own. It's furnished and it's nice and I just want you to have a home in the city." Chloe looked down at her hands, studying them as her eyes swam with tears. "I'm really going to miss you, Bree. I love you so much."

Aubrey desperately wanted to thank her, to stumble over her word and struggle for the perfect combination to give her in return for this gift. For this tiny gesture that took all of the weight off of her shoulders and allowed her to finally breathe easily. For giving her everything, even when it hurt.

In the end, she settled on hugging her, wrapping her up in the tightest bear hug that she could ever imagine and never wanting to leave. She loved this girl with all of her heart and nothing would ever change that. It had been like that since day one and somethings would always be perfect, simple even.

She loved her enough to let her go.

* * *

~April~

Chloe flung the front door open and ran into the townhouse with a thick white envelope in her hands. Aubrey looked up from her laptop at the counter in the kitchen and frowned as Chloe stood in front of her and practically bounced on her feet like an anxious child.

"What?" Aubrey asked while cocking an eyebrow. "You look like you're going to explode so just get it over with."

Chloe grinned and flung the envelope at Aubrey, watching her as she slit it open and looked inside. She gazed down at the plane tickets and asked "What's this? Are you going somewhere? Maybe to Los Angeles to see a certain someone?"

"No!" Chloe exclaimed while rolling her eyes, the grin slowly sliding off of her face. "I thought that we weren't talking about her anymore? I'm over all of that and I wanted to surprise you with these. Look at the tickets, Bree."

Aubrey smiled at how exasperated Chloe had become in a matter of seconds and held the tickets close to her eyes, shaking her head when she saw the destination Chloe had picked. She slid them back into the envelope and just grinned at her, in shock that she had picked **this** destination out of all of the places on earth.

"Miami? Seriously, Chloe?" Aubrey smirked as Chloe tried not to laugh. "Do I look like a beach person to you?"

"It's Miami, Aubrey!" Chloe exclaimed while jumping up and down, unable to contain her excitement any longer. "There's tons of stuff to do there. We can party and go to the beach and get drunk and party and sunbathe and go shopping and party…"

"You just said party **three** times." Aubrey grinned as she closed the lid of her laptop. "Are you seriously flying us down to the hottest and most miserable part of Florida just to get drunk?"

"Maybe…" Chloe trailed off while grabbing her hands, trying her hardest not to smirk at how glaringly obvious her intentions were. "It's just that you're leaving in two months and I want to have fun with you. Once May hits, you're going to be an adult and things will change and I just want us to have one last hurrah."

Aubrey's face softened and Chloe knew that she had won. She was a pushover and a well-played pout or a sob story would always beat her. She loved that the most about her. Still though, she had to rub it in a little more.

"It'll be fun and I'll get to ogle you in a bikini for a whole week." Aubrey's mouth dropped open and Chloe finally allowed herself to laugh, loving every moment of flirting with her **extremely** straight friend. "What more could you want for spring break?"

"I guess you're right" Aubrey resigned with a heavy sigh. "I'll have to get a new wardrobe though, so we should probably go shopping."

"Oh, totes!" Chloe grinned and popped the cork off of a bottle of wine, pouring some into a glass and taking a long sip as she leaned against the counter. "Let me get a little drunk, since you're such a pain in the ass to shop with, and you can finish your paper and we'll go.

Aubrey smiled as she typed something into her cell phone and said "That sounds great."

She started to work on her paper again and Chloe crept up behind her, looking at the mundane topic she was writing about and sneaking a peek at her cell phone screen. She froze when she Beca's name on the screen and caught the brief remnants of a conversation between her best friend and her old girlfriend.

"You're talking to Beca?" Chloe softly asked as she studied Aubrey's back and winced as she tensed, caught in a secret. "Since when have you talked to her?"

Aubrey blushed as she looked up from her laptop and Chloe could feel the guilt written all over her face. She bit her lip as she worked out what to say and after a moment of staring at her friend, she looked down at her hands and murmured "Yeah, I'm talking to her. Jesse's been talking to her since she left and I just started to in February. It's nothing, Chloe."

"Of course it's something, Bree!" The tears were burning in her eyes and she wanted to break down and scream and hit something all at once. "I'm in love with her and she broke my heart and you're talking to her. How could you, Aubrey?"

Aubrey looked away from Chloe, her face burning and her hands clenching against her laptop as she readied herself for whatever Chloe was going to throw at her. She knew that she didn't deserve it, but it was her duty as a friend to be the person that took all of Chloe's anger and frustration. She welcomed it.

"She fucked some guy because she was mad at me, but apparently that means nothing to you!" Chloe swiped a hand across her eyes and glared at Aubrey, trying her hardest not to lose her edge and break down. "We've been friends since we were eighteen years old and I thought that I knew everything about you, but I never expected this. Why, Aubrey? What's your amazing reason for being her friend? It better be good because we both know that you've never liked her"

"She was my friend Chloe. I wouldn't have let her move in with us if we weren't. I just…I feel bad for her. She's so sorry for what happened and it was truly a mistake, but she just can't face you. She's a little weirdo and she's not good with confrontation and the idea of losing you." Aubrey shook her head, hating herself for getting in the middle of this and for the words that came out of her mouth next. "She's in **love** with you and she thinks that she'll lose you if she talks to you again."

"She should have thought about that before she cheated on me!" Chloe laughed bitterly as she rolled her eyes. "She hasn't called me in months. Do you know how much that hurts?!"

"Yeah, Chloe, I do. I know that you're hurting and I feel so bad for you and nothing can take away what she did to you. The thing is though, you're in love with her and you're hurting by not being with her. Maybe it's **you** that needs to make the first move to fix this whole thing."

Chloe froze, in disbelief that her best friend, heck the closest thing that she had ever had to a real sister, was putting this on her. How could she? Why was this happening? She was losing everyone.

"Be the bigger person and take her back and listen to what she has to say." Aubrey continued, undeterred by the look of betrayal painted on Chloe's face. "I think you'd be surprised with what you'd hear from her. She's changed since she went out there and maybe it's for the better. Maybe she's become better for you."

"Bree, just save it", Chloe practically spat out while slamming her glass in the sink. "I'm not ready to be the bigger person because **my **heart was broken and **she **was the cause of it. All I did was love her and she ruined everything. I can't…I don't want to have this conversation with you anymore." Her voice was quavering now, teetering on the very edge of a whimper as she choked back her tears. "I can't talk to her because it hurts too much and I just…I miss her every moment of my day. I want her back, but I don't at the same time and I don't know what to feel or what to do and it…it sucks."

"I know Chloe and I'm sorry that you have to go through this", Aubrey whispered, cupping Chloe's face with her hands and wiping her teary eyes and cheeks gently with her thumbs. "I should have told you about this whole thing with Beca. I was out of line by keeping it from you and it was stupid. Please don't be mad at me, okay?"

"I'm not. I love you and I know that you have a huge heart and I don't blame you for talking to her." Chloe tried to smile as the anger towards her friend stung a little less and she allowed herself to reach up and grab her hands, holding them tightly as she fought against losing it completely.

"She probably needs a friend just as much as I need you and I'm **glad** that _you_ were there for her. So, how is she? Is she doing okay out there?"

"No, she's not." Aubrey shook her head while saving her paper and sliding her laptop shut. "She's sad and lonely and nothing is working out for her out there. I think she's going to come home soon. Jesse and I have been trying to convince her to for a while, **especially** Jesse, and I think it's going to happen soon. That's good news, right?"

Chloe just blinked her teary eyes and nodded as she walked out of the kitchen and headed straight to the bathroom. She was battling with her emotions and didn't know whether to be happy that the girl had failed and was heading back home or broken hearted that her dream was over almost as soon as it had begun. All she knew was that she needed some kind of release and the shower seemed like the perfect place to just get it all out.

Aubrey grimaced when she heard the sound of water running and knew that Chloe was getting a shower to mask the tears that were undoubtedly pouring down her face. It hurt to be in this much pain and she knew that Chloe's heart was in a million pieces and she just wanted her to be happy. That was all she had ever wanted for her.

She wanted Chloe to be with the person that she loved with every bit of her shattered heart and she just wanted the light to return to her eyes. For her friend to smile that perfect smile that lit up a room and made everyone want to know and love her. To hear her laugh as she threw her arm over Beca's shoulder and to see the little glint in her eye that she got every time she was around that girl.

She wanted it all and as the shower ran and another one of Beca's texts popped up on the screen, she tried to come up with a plan to get them back together. For once in her life though, Aubrey Posen could come up with no solution and that was the scariest thing of all.

* * *

~Spring Break~

It was muggy and overcast and it didn't take long for Aubrey to remember just how much she hated Florida. Chloe had dragged her to too many family gatherings and holidays in Tampa to count and each time it was the same. It would be unbearably hot and it would rain constantly and her hair would be a mess and she just…she needed some kind of variety in her weather. So, as Chloe pulled her across the sweltering sand outside of their resort at one o'clock in the morning, she couldn't stop the complaints that spilt from her lips.

Chloe just smiled at her as each one left her mouth and let the girl rant until she found the perfect spot to sit down. Tonight's specials were: "How could it be this hot at night?" and "Aren't you tired of having sand constantly between your toes?" and the best one of them all, "Do you really need another shot of tequila?"

Her answers as she tipped back her shot glass? "Global warming, silly!", "The sand is the best part. Didn't you have a childhood?", and "Hell yes!"

It had been like this every night so far and it was all old hat to her. After years of being Aubrey's best friend and roommate, the constant questioning and complaints had just become part of her character and were one of the reasons why she loved her so much. Aubrey was a worrier and she was carefree and together they balanced each other out.

It was late and Chloe was drunk and Aubrey just watched her with a smirk playing on her lips as she laid back in the sand and stared up at the stars. She watched them with a childlike fascination and as Aubrey sipped her margarita, she felt a little jealous of her friend. Chloe had the innate ability to just have fun and live life without worry or care and it was the one thing that Aubrey wanted most in her life.

She would love to be able to just let go and get drunk and pass out on the beach, but she was the person that worried about getting caught in a storm or eaten by a shark and instead was content to go back to the safety of their suite and get some rest. Sometimes it was nice to be the voice of reason and she knew that it would be stupid to stay down here all night, but maybe the alternative wasn't so bad. She just couldn't stop herself from just letting Chloe go off on her wild tangent before pulling her back to reality.

Chloe was dizzyingly intoxicating and as she pointed up at one of the stars and drunkenly asked Aubrey what constellation it was a part of, Aubrey just smiled and combed her hair. It was wavy from the salt water and hung in limp strands and Chloe sighed as Aubrey pulled it back and braided it quietly. It was comfortable and nice and reminded her of freshman year and the nights that they stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, talking and watching movies and painting each other's nails and just being friends. It was everything that Aubrey had ever wanted at college and she had been so terrified to move away from home and into a strange dorm, but Chloe was there for her from day one and had **saved** her. She owed her entire college experience to Chloe and there was really no way to return the favor other than to have nights like this. Nights that grated at her nerves and made her crazy, but that she never wanted to end.

The prospect of Aubrey moving away in a month hung heavily over both of the girls and as Aubrey played with the tiny strands of hair at the nape of Chloe's neck, she heard the girls' breath catch in her throat and placed a soft kiss on the back of her neck. Chloe leaned into it and whispered "I'm going to miss you so much, Bree."

"Me too." Aubrey blinked back the tears that sprung to her eyes, refusing to let Chloe see her upset. "We'll always have Skype dates and weekend visits though and you could hop on the company jet and visit me. We'll always have each other and that'll be enough. I'll make sure of it."

Chloe just nodded and reached out for Aubrey's hands, pulling them away from her hair and holding them tightly as she stared out at the sea. After a few moments of silence, Aubrey heard the bubble of emotion pop in her throat and Chloe tearfully whimpered "I don't miss her."

"I know, Chlo." Aubrey nodded, knowing that Chloe was lying and desperately trying to believe herself. "I know."

"I don't miss her." The tears were running down Chloe's face now in a steady rivers and she pulled her knees into her chest as she tried desperately to stop the flow. "I **don't**." Her voice was breaking apart, as choppy as the sea in the distance as she tried and failed to keep it together.

Aubrey was holding her from behind now and as she kissed her cheek and held her tightly, Chloe choked back a sob and said "I don't miss her." She didn't believe herself anymore and as she grabbed Aubrey's forearms and hugged them to her chest, her voice dropped to a mere whisper as she tried yet again to convince herself that she was okay. "Aubrey…I don't."

The sobs were full on now and as her best friend broke apart, Aubrey pulled her into her arms and kissed her cheek. She was barely able to push the words out of her mouth but eventually they somehow made it through; the truth that had been hanging over them for months. They were whispered and hoarse and emotional, but they meant everything and made Aubrey's heart break all over again.

"I miss her, Bree."

Aubrey just rocked her back and forth and as Chloe calmed a little, Aubrey glanced down at her cell phone and spotted a message from Beca on the screen. Several messages in fact. Four of them to be exact and as she read over them, she couldn't fight the smile that grew on her face.

_Beca (1:35 a.m.): So I know that you're busy with Chloe down in Miami and that you're probably wasted right now and doing body shots with some guy, but I have a favor to ask you. _

_Beca (1:38 a.m.): When I fly out to the city on Friday night, I'm not coming back here. I'm kinda tired of this town and I'm ready to start over. I'm going to go home eventually, but I just need to clear my head first. _

_Beca (1:45 a.m.): So, don't be mad, but I want to know if I can camp out on your couch for a little while. I know you're leaving after the weekend, but I just need some time to figure out what I want to do and I'd hate to be homeless in the city. Please? I'd love you forever…_

_Beca (1:47 a.m.): Okay, I'll love you if you don't let me stay, but it would be great if you did. I'm serious about this and it would just be really nice. Hope you're having fun and try not to get too drunk. I'll talk to you tomorrow. xx_

"Come to New York with me on Friday." Aubrey turned the girl in her arms, looking down at her face and trying to smile when she saw the tearstains and reddened eyes. "Help me get moved into the apartment and we can paint the place and go furniture shopping. It'll be really fun and I know how much you love to go to antique places. We can get that big fancy armoire you've always dreamt of and find some oaf to carry it home for us. We can turn the place into what we've always talked about so that you can have a little piece of home each time you visit me. Will you come?"

Chloe nodded and mumbled "I thought you were going to go alone. You wanted to be an "Independent Woman" and move yourself in. Are you sure?"

"Of course!" Aubrey smiled widely, taking Chloe's hands in hers and squeezing them tightly. "My best friend and I in New York together, what more could I possibly want? We'll have a weekend of debauchery and shopping and it'll be amazing. All you have to do is say yes. Please?"

Yes! I'll come with you and we'll have the best time." Chloe allowed herself to smile, sniffling away the rest of her tears and cleaning up her face with the sleeve of her dress. "Now, can we go back to our room? All of those tequila shots made me tired and I'm taking you parasailing tomorrow, so we should rest now. Come on Bree, walk me home!"

She pulled her best friend to her feet and wrapped her arm around her back as they leaned against each other and strolled back to their hotel. The good thing about Chloe being so drunk was that she had no idea that while one of Aubrey's hands was wrapped securely around her waist to hold her upright, the other was firing off a text message to a very special friend.

Aubrey Posen had a plan and as the stars twinkled down on them and Chloe blathered on about a guy she had danced with at the bar, she let a smile play on her lips as she imagined it all unfolding. Maybe she would finally be able to return Chloe's favor. Maybe.

* * *

_Aubrey (2:00 a.m.): Sure! Stay as long as you like. It'll just be you and me this weekend and I have a whole bunch of fun stuff planned for us. I hope you like surprises!_

* * *

**A/N: So here's the deal, I'm super sorry about the wait. It's been forever and I never meant for it to take this long. I got a comment on my tumblr that made me rethink my whole writing style and I rewrote the dialogue for this entire fic. I did it along with 10 things and it took forever and was a pain in the ass, but I'm really happy with the changes that I've made. I think I'm better at this now and if you want to reread this whole thing, go right ahead (nothing's really changed), but I think it was something that I just needed to do for myself. **

**In my hiatus, I wrote a little and uploaded some stuff. One thing in particular, my one-shot All I Want, was one of the most rewarding things I've ever done. I think it's probably the best thing I've ever written and I'm super proud of it (shameless self-promotion!) I also write Chaubrey now, on here and on Tumblr, and it was a much needed break. I'm ready though to finish this and I hope you're still with me. Review if you like the changes I made or just want to bitch at me for dragging this out so long. I just want to know that you guys are still here and are hopefully still enjoying this. As for the next chapter..."Shit gets real pt. 2!"**

**Final thought...I didn't think this whole thing was important because it's just dumb fanfic but here's a number that means the world to me: 122,263. These four and a half months have been amazing and thank YOU for reading. I wish I could hug you all...**


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